2016

19 - 20 Jan 2016 – I'm busking in the street in Zaragoza (C/Cinco de Marzo, where I normally am) and a copper says I can't play. He takes me to a bench where he's already speaking ot another lad. He's very tall and his face is wrapped up in a scarf that looks like gauze so I can't see his face.

2015

2014

4th – 5th May 2014.
I'm in a bare room with a man and a woman. The man is in charge. We are all expected to kill an oriental man who we are expecting, then ourselves. As time ticks slowly on, I try to look for a way of getting out of it. As the moment approaches, the woman shouts 'I can't do it' and I immediately say that I can't either. Needless to say, this is not allowed and the 'leader' will kill us anyway if we don't go through with it.
An anxious dream but not as frightening as it sounds.

 

7th – 8th May
I'm on a train travelling to do a gig with my violin in the luggage compartment. I'm with friends having a laugh and forget to take it with me when I get off at the station (Crewe, Sheffield?). I realize this so decide to go to the police desk to ask them to phone through but there are people taking an awful long time over something. I wonder if I've got time to go back and get another one, or do the show without it, and realize both alternatives are impossible and it's ESSENTIAL that I have my violin.
In contrast to the above dream, much more unsettling than it sounds.

 

14th – 15th May
I go to a wedding on a bus somewhere in the NW (near Oldhan?) I go on a bus which takes about 45 mins over familiar half-urban scenery. John and Janette are there. After the wedding, which I remember nothing of, we're in the front room of a house with some folk who are between 20 and 50 years old. It turns out the man can sell me some dope so we make some kind of a confused deal. He has some massive slabs of what I think is hash, but turns out to be something soft and fudge-like to put between two slices of bread and eat. I'm not sure if I should eat all of it or not. It's a suburban house with net curtains, which are open. I wonder if the neighbours can see us. I hand over two tenners and make myself a sandwich. I say 'Well, that's another wedding I've been to where I don't even know who got married', which everyone finds hilarious.
Then we're standing just outside the house chatting and the dream ends there.

 

18th – 19th May – 3rd week with no dope – you can see how this works, can't you?
I'm sitting on a bench next to a young woman. We both have out arms leaning over the back of the bench, next to each other. She says she thinks she may be lesbian and do I minf? She's been rejected by some bloke she thinks is 'super-guapo' (the dream is all in Spanish). I say to her 'Even he's not as guapo as the shadow of the houses on the hills in the sunshine' (which is behind us) 'Or that forest on the hillside' which is over to our left.
She moves her forearm over so it's touching mine.

 

30th – 31st May
I have to do an open air gig somewhere. There seem to be about 300 people on seats and everything's made of wood. I go on a bike ride to kill the time till I'm on and forget I've got a gig. I'm out in the country and suddenly I remember and hurry back, thankfully I'm in time as the first act has gone on longer, but I still have to put my lenses in. Diego Peña, who is there having acted earlier, helps me put them in, but they're an odd shape, elongated and like a drainpipe cut in half.

 

 

2013

13 – 14 May, 2013 - Zaragoza Tramline

They decide to put a tramline in my street (C/Boggiero) but it's too narrow for platforms, so people will have to go straight on from heir hallways. And there seems to be a rule that you have to wear a hat.

 

16th – 17th August - Marina on stage

I'm at a theatre with Marina. The performer on stage asks for people to come up onto the stage at the end of his act. Marina goes up and starts to balance at the very front of the stage. The performer is worries but I say "Don't worry – I'm here to catch her" and I walk in front of the stage wherever Marina goes, keeping alongside of her. As usual, when dreaming of my Marina, I wake up sad that it was only a dream and she's not here in real life.

 

19th - 20th August - Back to the Future

Going backwards (in time?) up a river, I arrive at Chelsea FC's new stadium at Battersea Power Station (not to be, in real life). It looks like the fairground in the Residents' film 'Bad Day on the Midway'

 

2012.

 

21-22 February – Panic Stations

I turn up for work at Jorge SL. Dai's there in a suit for some reason. I remember I have to be a witness at some important meeting and translate or something. I go to the bar for a tea, forget all about the meeting and get on the bus home. Then, in a panic, I remember this important stuff I have to do. Better get back asap so I decide to get my bike. But where have I left it? Tied to a tree at the entrance to Turton Golf Club is where. I dash up a wooded road to look for it. I can't find it so go into the bar. Gorgeous (smoking) Ana is in there, but has changed her hairstyle to one I don't like so much (cf Merche in real life!). I explain my desperate situation to her and how I can't operate my phone but she won't help. As she leaves, I say 'come and see me some time' and she says 'I don't think so'. I'm still desperately trying to phone Sergio. I can't find my way through the apps and get lost in them. Out of nowhere (some sort of path) José Ignacio turns up. I explain everything as we walk down towards Turton Golf Club. Someone else is there. Confusion. I realize there's some sort of a trap, or a frame-up.  Everyone accuses everyone of something. There is a huge argument, during which José Ignacio takes out a breafd-knife and stabs me in the abdomen. I lie dying on the gritty forest path. WTF??? I wake up at about 7.15 a.m.

 

26-27 Feb – Zombie dream

 

At the end of a film about zombies as the lights go up in the cinema the audience realize they are surrounded by 'real zombies' in the seats with them. I think this is a great promotional piece (though I'm scared witless by it) and end up trying to choreograph some kind of dance for the Club Desastre. Somewhere in the middle Sol (Sol!? who I can't stand) turns up with some bags of nice fresh grass for us all. Wtf again.

 

28-29 Feb – Back to the 'old barrio'

 

I go to meet Olga and Sancho in their house in my 'old barrio' (which is the one I'm living in now, San Pablo) and go in an Arab bar to kill some time, as there's no one home. All the houses look dilapidated with cracks in the walls. I tell the Arab barman this is "where I used to live" and also the faux pas by a contestant on a British quiz show ('What is the most dangerous race in the world'?). They don't get it and I have to backpedal furiously. I try to ring Olga to see what's going on and all kinds of stuff appears on my mobile (see last dream!) including some game with octopuses, then it all goes into Arabic. I manage to get out of the bar alive but my mobile is completely fucked.

 

2 – 3rd March 2012 Taking Grass back to Zaragoza

 

I take some of Julio's grass back to Z to share with Diego. I arrive on the train at an open plan bus station in the middle of which the Club Desastre lot are busy building us a white cube to rehearse in. Nico's rolling white paint on the walls. I ask to see Diego. He's become a bus driver and is on the top deck (where his steering wheel is!) skinning up. I say 'Take me to Rochdale' and we go for a ride. There's only one passenger and he goes 'whoah' as the bus sways round corners and nearly topples over. All the while there is bright sunshine. We stop for Diego to skin another one up on his top seat but I have to get off and unlock my bike. I find it, unlock it, forget what I'm doing and lock it again. Then I can't remember whether I was supposed to lock or unlock it. The dream ends in this kind of balanced chaos.

 

18th – 19th April – About to be Tortured

 

I'm sitting in a room in a suburban house calmly discussing with people the fact that I'm about to take part in some ceremony (witchcraft?) as a torture victim. I remain outwardly calm while desperately running through ways of possibly escaping. I can remember the thought processes as I weighed up the various options (escape through the toilet window... make a dash for it through the front door... try not to betray any signs of inward turmoil... play along with the torturers... keep calm and carry on)

 

A horrible dream, possibly brought on by lack of dope, excess of alcohol (during Chelsea v Barcelona), thinking of ways of juggling my debts, and the news item about Ali Al Quatada's possible extradition.

 

First week of September (in Oxford)

Primera semana de septiembre (en Oxford) 

I'm a soldier on manouvres. We need to name the positions and the sergeant accepts my idea of - instead of naming them from A - H - to use A flat, A, B flat, B, C, D, E flat, E and F. I had a soldier's beret on.

Soy un soldado haciendo maniobras. Necesitamos nombrar a los puestos y el sargento acepta mi idea de en vez de decir A – H, usemos A bemol, A, B bemol, B, C, D, E bemol, E. Llevaba una gorra de soldado puesto.

 

23 – 24 September, 2012 - After a Club Desastre that Sandra came to see.

 

I go to visit Sandra to see Diego's show in the theatre. In her house I meet her mum (who is Ricki's mum) and leave a rucksack there having taken loads of clothes and stuff out.

We sit in the 3rd row of the Teatro del Mercado and the show starts. There are LOADS of kids on stage singing and marching (like in 'Oliver' in Kennington) and then people from around us get up and go on stage. Sandra leans over and kisses me gently on the lips, then a woman in front of me takes my hand but this turns out to be part of the show. Sandra starts talking at me but I can't hear (it reminds me of Marga's 'lists of instructions') then more kids get up from around us and I am left alone. Even S has disappeared. 

Later I'm back at her house, I have to get to the airport and am conscious of being very late. I try to put all the stuff back in my rucksack then leave with S and her mum and a bloke. We're going the wrong way for my bus stop but it seems we're going to the guy's car so he can give me a lift. But we stop off in a large house full of people that looks like a youth club. Eventually I make my own way home. 

The next thing I know I'm wheeling my bike to my door in Boggiero and Ahmed comes up saying I can't leave my bike there (the road is full of roadworks barriers!). I say I'm taking the bike into my house and he starts to threaten me with a knife.

 

3rd – 4th October, 2012 - My third dream about getting a puncture this week.

 

I see I haven't written the first 2 down, but the leitmotif was definitely a flat tyre on my bicycle. In this one, I'm doing a trip at a party, rather like in the Farmoor days, there's a bonfire (I think) lots of people – the only ones I can remember are Cluck and Dave Urmston – but it's near the Reebok stadium in Bolton. A nice view all the way down, but very industrial. By daybreak I'm about to go home on my bike down the hill along a dirt track (like the one up to Rivington Pike) but this time I see that I have 2 flat tyres. I see petite blonde Ania leaving the party by the same route so use my punctures as an excuse to walk slowly along with her.

 

8th – 9th October – ANOTHER anxiety dream? Well, we are in crisis and everyone's teetering on the brink...

I have to go to Mallorca so go to the airport but Chris Blunkell rings me and says he wants me to go round and look over a script (probably P & B). For some reason I reckon I can get out of the airport (I already seem to be IN Majorca, however), go to CB's and get back in time for the plane. As I'm reading through I realize I'm massively late for the plane, so try to find my things and dash to the airport. I can't find my trainers and try some on that are to hand, but they are way to small. I also seem to have lost my briefcase, or whatever I was carrying.

 I dash pell-mell to the airport but have obviously missed the flight.

 Almost 4 weeks now with no THC and this is what happens. I also had to wake up at 8.30 (3 hours before my normal time) to do an important rehearsal. This is, however, my 4th 'anxiety dream' in just over 2 weeks.

 

10th – 11th October – And another one!

I'm doing a gig on a scrubby old wooden stage but in a quite big venue (it looks like the Colegio Mayor Pedro Cerbuna) but there's a lot of confusion. Mic cables all over the place, people walking and running around rather than sitting in their seats... I'm announced with a big fanfare and go on stage, but there's a pianist on my right who just keeps playing as I start the gig ('noodling' in jazz terms) and I find it hard to concentrate. Then it happens! Every performers nightmare (or anxiety dream) – I forget everything I'm supposed to say and 'me quedo en blanco'. I go off stage using the confusion as an excuse – quite legitimately – though I know that I should have remembered my lines and kept going anyway.

 

 

 

2011

14th – 15th January

 I'm walking through a university campus with my violin and three gorgeous girls come up and ask me to go and play for them out on the lawn.

 

30th – 31st January

 At the end of a long, complicated 'storyline' that I can't remember, I find myself in a submarine with the Residents going over an old Victorian aqueduct.

 

End of June –

At the end of a dream I'm in some murky black waters, clinging onto the handlebars of my bike. I feel myself start to slip down and get dragged under by the undertow and a sense of panic comes over me. However, though it makes sense to let go of the bike's handlebars, something in me won't allow me to and I feel myself being pulled down. Quite terrifying.

 

26th – 27th March (while sleeping on Miguel's couch in Madrid)

 I'm having a nice time with Sandra, my Serbian princess... fun, sex and everything. I guess this dream is to compensate for my relationship with Elena having ended.

 

1st – 2nd July 2011

I go on a mission (some kind of terrorist affair? with a bomb in my rucksack, on my bike. I sit at the top of a hill tog et my breath back and some gangs of schoolkids walk past, laughing at how shabbily dressed I am. I don't give a flying fuck.

 

19th – 20th September

 

"There are Five Ways Over the Mountain"

 

This is the last concept of a dream I was interrupted from. My first week back in Spain has featured several dreams where I'm on a journey, going over nice landscape from a gorgeous city and on to my next stop, which I also hope to turn out nice. I like the enigmatic phrase, though.

 

27th – 28th September

 

I'm being prepared for an operation by a very kind nurse. It seems to be a trapped nerve in the knee, but I feel no pain. The surgeon arrives and it is Juan, the owner of the Morrissey. He prepares to do the operation, explaining what it is, and that I'll be unconscious for 3 or 4 hours. What most worries me is that I have things to do and can't afford to be asleep for that long. I then rationalise all this to myself and decide that, since I am not suffering any pain, I don't want to have the operation. I tell Juan this and leave.

 

 

 

2010

I'm in a sunny attic room, rehearsing a trio. Marina (aged 8 or 9) is playing the violin. I'm explaining that they (Marina and John? Janette?) should slow down and wait for me to finish a trill. I explain with a religious metaphor which ends "... Jesus was just... a human being". Marina looks troubled at this so I gloss over it

 

 

 

2009

6 – 7 March 2009

 

I'm in the house where I grew up with some people – my mum, my auntie Irene and one or two others sitting around a table including a Polish brother and sister. It seems I'm supposed to be giving an English class. I show them a picture of some people in a room, similarly arranged to us. I try to 'elicit' the response form the Polish girl that some of the people in the picture are together and others are separated. She doesn't understand and flounces out of the room in a huff. Her brother follows her and I'm about to when auntie Irene tells me not to follow her as she has 'women's problems', so I go to look out of the back window instead.

 

9-10 March

 

I'm trying to start the Club Desastre but Kati isn't on the door and hundreds of people come in without paying. We have to open the whole bar and it's chaos. The spotlight doesn't work (it's a miserable thing, like the one in the Beer Brothers), Diego feels ill and has to go off stage, Felipe doesn't arrive, the audience are all teenage louts who shout things, I'm running around like an idiot and after the show the boss (like that c*nt from the Prior) complains about all the pipas (sunflower seeds) on the floor but then insists on buying a ticket (!?).

 

To sum up: a horrible nightmare.

 

25 -26 March

 

I'm shopping in Marple, near Stockport, and I see Hannah in one of the shops so wait for her to come out and I say hello. She says hi, I ask her out for a drink and she prevaricates. I say – some other time, and go back to my friends' house. There they tell me she works nearby and soon after I see her on the street again. I ask if she wants to come to the pub and she hums and hahs but finally says yes. After a drink or two I take hold of her hand, and she seems O.K. with this. Unfortunately at this point I woke up.

 

(This was after my first long ride of the season – 132 km – and I slept for 9 hours).

 

27 – 28 March

 

I'm visiting Viki's house (the barmaid from the Morrissey) with another bloke and there seems to be some rivalry between us. Viki is wearing a long blue floral summery dress. Her family is present in some other part of the house.

 

28-29 March

 

I'm trying to do my record cycle ride of 200 + km and going well, so I decide to stop off for a drink (I appear to be back in Zaragoza). In the bar, by chance, I find Diego and Mariano doing a gig (with a guitar). They've ust finished the first half and are sitting at a table with 2 English girls who don't speak Spanish so I go and sit down with them and have a chat. Then I go outside confident I can knock off the last 70km but I find that my bicycle, which I left tied to a lamp-post, has been completely trashed. Obviously, I'm in a bad mood, but also notice from the fading daylight that I never would have been able to do the remaining distance in time.

 

(The night the clocks went forward and the day after scoring my first goal in 7-a-side football for about 5 years).

 

9 – 10 April

 

I'm due to start teaching at a school (it's a school with lots of beautiful old mansion-like buildings) but I'm on the last minute and don't know where to go, so I'm running around trying to find the classroom and eventually get in just in time. Then I find I have no notes and have to improvise a class on Etymology. The students pay me precious little attention and I end up just about muddling through, thinking all the while 'I'm not going to let it bother me'

 

(Today I learned I had a teaching job in Oxford this summer – I think this news got mixed up with memories of the gig I did in the 20th Century bar, which I wasn't very happy with - also, this was another of my 9-hour sleeping sessions, this time with no obvious reason).

 

15 – 16 April

 

I arrive in Barcelona in a taxi and have to go to the airport/bus station/ a bookshop. I find myself running around frantically and finally follow some people through some security doors in a shopping centre. I find myself being asked to officiate a wedding. I oblige, but make a mistake and am about to marry a father to his daughter before my mistake is pointed out.

 

Another deeeeeep sleep after a tough bike ride, and obviously already worried about how I can get a ticket for the Barca v Chelsea semi-final.

 

17 – 18 May

 

Awful anxiety dream (again!) – I'm in St Jo's (though it looks more like Canon Slade) trying to give a class to some rowdy Eastern Europeans and Asians who take no notice. Half way through they all go out, saying they've changed classroom and I don't know where they've gone or what I'm supposed to do so I go to see Sarah B so she can instruct me, but she spends all the time chatting to me about other stuff while I'm wondering what havoc my students will be wreaking in the school or its grounds.

 

18-19 May

 

I'm visiting friends in Ireland and I'm with them in a bedroom. They go downstairs but I remain. They then inform me I shouldn't make any noise as there are some disreputable people outside waiting in a car. I toy with the idea of hiding under the bed but then they say the coast is clear and we can set off on a trip to the beach. I'm given a motorcycle to ride, which I'm handling O.K., though I've only ridden one once, and going slowly. I notice that Andy (Hodges) is behind me on a bike and I offer to swop. We all arrive at a beach and go into a house where we sit and have tea with an Irish girl who offers me a job for April and May, which is 'ecological', pays O.K. and involves me riding around on a bike. I consider taking up the offer.

 

22 – 23 May

 

I return to England – there, in a house, I meet up with Karen, Janette, John and some others. The latter go off to buy some acid but I think they might have forgotten that I want some so I try to phone them. However, I can't remember J and J's no (I keep confusing the old one with the new one) – finally, I remember, then we all get into a taxi. Nico Cassinelli is with us and as we approach our destination he whispers to me to remind me not to get ripped off, as we would do in Buenos Aires. We arrive at a pleasant pub with wooden trestle tables and ask directions to Birmingham University from some youths. They don't know where it is. John is affronted by their lack of knowledge; 'These kids can't even tell me how to get to Birmingham Uni'. To pass the time I start doing one of my stand-up routines and people we don't know gather round to listen. I joke around with one of the young lads, saying 'I don't usually like to have a go at people...' but I see that he's laughing along with the rest of them.

 

3 – 4th June

 

I'm in the house I grew up in, in Harwood (Bolton) with Miguel Ballabriga. We're chatting and I've just got a big bag of weed which I intend to smoke. I look out of the upstairs window and see a bloke sitting in the cabin of a huge articulated lorry. I go back to chatting then a while later look out again. He's still there, but this time sat leaning out of the cabin and looking about him. I also notice that he's put some cables (one of them orange) from under the lorry to the house. I don't like the look of this so I stash the weed in a bathroom cabinet behind some shampoo bottles (with some difficulty – one of them nearly falls out) and say to Miguel I'm going to go out to confront him, then if there's a problem we'll call the police. Miguel says 'we're not going to call the police though, are we?' and offers to come out and talk to him with me, as 'it'll come across more'. I agree.

 

The telephone rings to wake me up. A pity – I'd like to have seen what happened next.

 

8th – 9th June

 

A girl (the actress who plays the 'summer girlfriend' in an episode of 'Black Books') comes to my house and insists that everyone leave the room so she can kiss me, but then after a quick kiss she starts teasing me by not letting me get hold of her. Later, after a series of scenes I can't remember, I leave the house (where I used to live in La Paz) and see her playing chess with someone on a porch under some concrete stairs.

 

9th – 10th June

 

John sends me a copy of a CD he's recorded. I absolutely love it; free jazz with long, wailing sax solos in it (in the style of Sun Ra) and I can't stop listening to it. I ring him to tell him.

 

10th – 11th June

 

I go to María's bar (Pulp) and she's explaining how we could put improvisations on there, and we're chatting in general and every now and again I see a black teenager in a 'hoodie' coming in and out of the door. Later, two other black guys come in and ask if their friend has been in. I describe the bloke I've seen and when they hear that, they say 'Run! He's got a gun!' Even though he isn't there, I run out of the bar with someone and we continue running down the streets where, sure enough, there is a gunfight. Bullets hit the pavement, making sparks, and we have to jump over them as we run looking for a bus.

 

Later I'm back in the bar and María is showing me where we could do the improvisations. It's a sort of pit and there is a performance going on. To see it, we have to look down into the pit at a small screen where the performance is projected. A woman in a group of people to our right is whispering and María says 'I hate that, when people talk over the performance'. At that moment someone goes and tells the woman to shut up. She says she is complaining because the colour on the screen is not natural. And as she says it I notice she's right. It's all tinged with pink. The projectionist alters it so that it's better.

 

Then we all go to eat. I want to talk to María but she's running around making food and answering phone calls all the time. In the end she prepares a salad for me, as I'm vegetarian, but I notice it's got ham in it.

 

19th – 20th June

 

I'm sent on a spying mission to Russia, though I have no knowledge of anything at all. I have to sit on a bench and eavesdrop a conversation near a pool, while a colleague on the same bench eavesdrops another conversation. We return to base (England?) and my boss quizzes me. I say I couldn't find anything and he says it doesn't matter. 'Now comes the funny part; I'm going to die'. It takes me a few seconds before I realise he means he's going to stage his own funeral. I will have something to do with this as well, apparently.

 

26th – 27th June

 

I'm sitting on a stool in a café, with Marga (my ex) opposite me. Marina (her daughter) comes up to me from behind and hugs me. Marga has already said 'Ah, Marina' but Marina makes me 'guess' who it is, with her little face next to mine and her hair hanging down. I decide to ask her a question that 'only Marina would know the answer to' (I forget what I asked) and having 'guessed' who it was, she runs off outside to play.

 

I see her playing with her friends through the stone gates of what appears to be a graveyard. She's concentrating very hard on something. I ask Marga if I can go off and play with Marina and she says 'yes'.

 

Once again a very sad dream, once I wake up, as I miss Marina enormously in my waking life. At least she's still there in my dreams

 

12 – 13th July

 

I'm sitting at a desk doing a Media Studies exam. The paper is a glossy full-colour brochure which I don't understand at all. The first question is about Friends, but I don't know if I have to answer all the questions, write a critique or what. I decide to start writing something but in the end leave off and opt for sitting there until the exam is over.

 

13th – 14th August

 

I have to leave town because the Nazis are coming. I arrange to leave with Karen, but separately so as not to arouse suspicion. I check out the bus route but see that it has been cut off with chicken wire and now it looks like an old overgrown disused railway. I find where to get on the new route and plan it so that Karen gets on first then me. I leave the house, go to the stop, get on and climb the stairs to the top deck where Karen is, as arranged. But then I remember I've left my rucksack in the hall and will have to run home to get it.

 

18th – 19th August

 

I go to visit Iñaki in his office. For some reason, Lizzie, my fellow teacher, is there. I can't see him so go into the garden (!) to look for him and find people sitting around smoking joints. I want to leave as I have things to do but start talking to a gay couple who want to sell their house.

 

20th – 21st August

 

After a night out in Oxford, I end up in Jericho in the early morning, accompanied by Joe, who I'm teaching with at St Joseph's. It's 9.15 a.m. and I realise lessons must be starting and there's no way I can get to the school on time. I start to panic. I try to ring from a pay-phone to tell them where I am, I notice my bike isn't where I left it and I keep making a mistake with the dialling until I notice the numbers on the pad aren't in order, but all jumbled up. In the end I borrow Joe's Blackberry to ring and even then I can't get through.

 

28th – 29th August

 

I'm watching TV in J and J's old place in Birmingham when I notice a small moth on the carpet behind me, then a few more, then something that looks like a grasshopper or dragonfly, or a big blue cicada. I point out that they're getting in through the French windows. Apparently, when this happens, it's John's job to mop the (carpeted) floor. He wants to finish what he's watching on TV, but Janette badgers him to get going. I notice that if you pat the carpet, hundreds of the little moths 'bounce' up. I try to help by batting out the bigger blue and green ones that are flying around and just as I'm observing that "they're quite pretty, really", one flies into my right ear. There's a loud, high-pitched noise in it for a while but I decide the best tactic is to stay still until it comes out. Eventually it does so and flies off. John appears to be annoyed with me, as if this is all somehow my fault.

 

 

 

2008

22 - 23 April, 2008

 

I'm at home in the house I grew up in (No 120) and want to store some screens (the black biombos from the Club Desastre) in our house's external coal cellar. My mum says I'm not allowed to but I sneak out of the back door to put them there anyway. I open the door to the coal hole and there's my mum inside wagging her finger in an 'I already said 'no'' sort of way.

 

The next day I dreamed about the old house again. This time I was in the back garden looking for somewhere to have a piss where no-one in our house or any of the neighbours' houses would see me. This is also a period of John dreaming about me (stealing his too-small suit and then sleeping in it and rumpling it up, to his annoyance)

 

11 – 12th May, 2008

 

Me and Kati are collecting money on the door of the Cerbuna Monologue competition but the passage is very wide and thousands of people are just brushing their way past without paying. Then I'm told I have to get on stage so I go running to a door at the head of a few steps (entrance to the Cerbuna?) where I'm waiting to be let in. Someone tells me it's in another building so, already late, I set off running there in a panic.

 

And that's where I woke up.

 

17th – 18th October 2008

 

I'm walking (almost running) up a wooded hill (the road to Castejón de Valdejasa) and showing someone the way with great enthusiasm. The track takes me a little bit off course but this doesn't daunt me and I'm having a great time struggling up the mountain.

 

(I think this dream is about the Club Desastre). I woke up at 10 a.m. to go and play with Zaragoza Celtic and had a rather good game in a 0-0 draw – my first time in the new pitch at Villanueva-

 

19th – 20th October

 

I'm waiting to play for Z Celtic, but it's an 11 a side game on a tarmac school playground. The other team kick off and the ball goes to Jason in goal (!) who palms it out to Dai who then puts through his own goal. After that, it's total chaos. I'm waiting to get on and realise I'm in my normal shoes. The game sort of disintegrates into 2 games spread over 2 pitches. A total mess.

 

3 – 4 Nov

 

I'm in the back seat of a car cuddled up with Marina and asking her if she remembers when we went to see The Incredibles at the cinema. She can't at first, but gradually remembers bits of the day. As always, when I dream of Marina, I'm so pleased to see her in my dream and so sad when I wake up knowing she's not there.

 

10 – 11 Nov

 

I'm outside Marina's old school, with people milling around, Marina and Marga among them. I go up to Marina to give her something; a box, which could be a violin case, but is too square. Then I want to put her on my bicycle seat and wheel her along like I used to but Marga won't let me.

 

15 – 16 December Asturias

 

Some gipsies are pursuing me down a snowy hill in a sleigh. They lead me to an ambush in the form of a gipsy camp half way up the snowy mountainside

 

 

2007

13-14 February

 

I arrive late to the park for a game of football and struggle to get my boots on as my side is losing 4-1 already

 

22-23 February

 

I was with Marina in her lounge and was happy but at the same time I was aware that it was only a dream and so was sad.

 

27-28 February (Santander)

 

1 – I'm messing about with Vanessa, she's like a little girl (and reminds me of Marina). I see a picture of a new breed of rose in a book – the Chelsea rose; it's white with blue-tinged petals. We go into a shop together, pushing our way past ironing boards to get to the counter, where V wants something for 18 pounds and I want a (pro-)Chelsea joke book for 2 pounds. I drop a coin and retrieve it along with lots of others from the mucky floor. I have enough to be able to lend V 5 pounds.

 

2 – I'm making a bio-pic of the life of Marina. There's a scene where she and Marga are looking into a cage at the zoo. I give up filming realising that, though the child star is cute and sweet as sugar, she can't replace Marina as she is irreplaceable.

 

I wake up very sad from both dreams.

 

3 – 4 March, 2007

 

I'm asked to leave a library because I have dirty and bitten fingernails. I do so.

 

March, 2007

 

I'm at a wedding and telling some secret about the bride to the bride's dad. Something I feel he has to know. We're outside a church on a hill and it's a lovely sunny day. 3 lovely girls (Tep being one) are with me. I leave them for a moment to cycle the rest of the way to the top of the hill and enjoy the summer's day and the view.

 

10 – 11 November 120, Longsight

 

I've bought mum's house but there are big problems with the drains. We're watching work go on, which involves a huge magnet being lifted on the end of a crane. Janette is there and says that the magnet alone could set me back 250,000 pounds.

 

15 – 16 December Asturias

 

Some gipsies are pursuing me down a snowy hill in a sleigh. They lead me to an ambush in the form of a gipsy camp half way up the snowy mountainside

 

 

2006

1 – 2 marzo, 2006.

I'm at a party in a house made of metal. There are lots of intrigues and plots going on and I'm with Marga, who is talking to me in a very polite and civilised manner. I realise it's not a metal house, but an aeroplane waiting to take off, but it hasn't got any wings. This is a dream I had while I was breaking up with Marga.

9 – 10 marzo, 2006.

We are getting ready to do a Club Desastre in the Auditorio of Zaragoza. There's a lot of tension and a lot of people waiting, but I can't even find my way to the stage. There are some footballers from Peterborough United trying to fuck up the gig. One has gone to the mixing desk and is messing around. Everything becomes very chaotic. This is almost a nightmare.

18 – 19 septiembre (Worcester)

Zaragoza Celtic have won 1-0 away on a crap pitch with a crappy goal that bounces over their keeper's head. Even so, Jason is pissed off for some reason in the showers. We get in the train to go home – a double-decker like in Amsterdam – and it sets off fast over some water as if it were a jet foil.

25 – 26 septiembre (First night back in Zaragoza)

I spend the dream visiting nubile women in their houses on various pretexts. I end up having to run very fast between one and the other and end up almost flying, sort of scooting along the tarmac using my hands and wishing I had my bike.

27 – 28 septiembre

A repeat of a long film-like dream I've had before. I arrive at an airport in the USA with no money and no idea why I'm there. I walk around and make friends with a girl. She invites me to her home, where her father and 2 or 3 brothers obviously hate me. I wander round some more and return to the airport to explain my situation, accompanied by 2 of the brothers who are a bit calmer with me now they know that I'm fucking off.

2 – 3 October, 2006.

I'm on a bridge watching Marina play in the water. I'm pretty frightened that she'll drown or something but she tells me not to worry, as she's actually standing on stilts.

(A mixture of the tragedy of the 3 Sikh boys who drowned in the Lake District and a film I saw last night on Canal + about a little girl's bodyguard + the way Marga shouted at Marina and made her cry within 5 minutes of me seeing them both for the first time this 'season')

(John had a dream about me that night – me and him and Bryan in a cheap hotel in Russia with an enormous Russian woman that wants to shag all of us).

24 – 25 October (in a hotel en Almagro)

Some black guys dynamite a hole in my wall and I'm convinced they're planning a sort of Hip Hop revolution so I go to warn some guardia civil, but they take no notice of me. Then I go to a school where I bump into Sue collecting her kid. She mentions that so and so hasn't been to school today and I say 'As I suspected... he's one of those hip hop people, isn't he? They're planning a rebellion, I'm telling you, but no one will believe me'.

25 – 26 October (Almagro)

I'm listening to football on the radio with Frank and he tells me Liverpool are beating Chelsea 4-3. There are some mnutes left and I say 'I still think we'll win' and in the end we beat Liverpool 9-5 (very credible).

15 – 16 November (first day of illness)

John and Janette entrust me with keys to a house to look after. As I'm going to open it up ( a suburban semi in England) a proto-hoodie horrible little fat devil child follows me. I don't want him to know anything about the house and the keys so I try to shake him off by pretending to make phone calls from a telephone booth, but he just keeps hanging around outsied,

16 – 17 November (second day of illness)

I'm playing 11 a side football and make a superb pass to some French guy who seems to think I'm the dog´s bollocks. I wake up almost sad thinking that I used to be quite good and never will be that fast again.

17 – 18 November (third day of illness)

I go for a bike ride, ditch the bike and start to climb a hill (like last Sunday the other side of Farlete) but it gets too dangerous so I come down and decide to go home. John and Janette join me here and we follow a track which takes us to a viaduct, under which we find a systme of ramps and passages. John decides to knock on an old wooden door that's fallen off its hinges and an old tramp comes out. He's good-mannered and we all sit down at a table in the rubble wth him while he regales us with tales of his war experiences in the Pacific and Burma.

(John had a dream about me that night – me and him and Bryan in a cheap hotel in Russia wth an enormous Russian woman that wants to shag all of us).

 

 

2005

6-7 November 2005   School gig

I'm about to do a performance in a school, where I can't help noticing there are lots of fit teenage girls. I go on stage with another performer (Diego?) but some rap music comes on as we are about to speak so we start to do a silly dance, at which point all the students leave the theatre as one. I go to a football dressing room and take a shirt from a peg but when I run out to play I see that my shirt is bright lime green while all the others are wearing fluorescent orange.

(This was the week I was about to debut The Guiri and, before that, Fluff Jackson... a typical theatrical anxiety dream).

10 – 11 November     120, Longsight

I've bought mum's house but there are big problems with the drains. We're watching work go on, which involves a huge magnet being lifted on the end of a crane. Janette is there and says that the magnet alone could set me back 250,000 pounds.

15 – 16 December     Asturias

Some gipsies are pursuing me down a snowy hill in a sleigh. They lead me to an ambush in the form of a gipsy camp half way up the snowy mountainside

 

 

2004

January 2004 – There was a pet mouse called Griselda living in our house that did handstands and everything, but one day it escaped out of the back door. I watched it out of the window turning somersaults on a molehill. I took my eyes away for a second and when I looked again I saw that Candela, the cat, was tormenting her.

I had to run out and stop her, explaining that Griselda was our special, talented mouse, and not just an ordinary mouse to be played with and killed. Obviously, "Griselda" is my cherished Marina.

 

 

2003

Oct.03
I'm being pestered by people in a café and keep having to move from table to table to escape them. Eventually I leave the café and go up a straight staircase that leads up a hill to a false summit from where I see how it goes down into a valley but then continues up again on the other side

Oct.03
I'm going to a sports event or concert down a long passage but I see people leaving already, first one chap then groups of people all with one leg and bleeding from the stump, though perfectly unperturbed.

 

 

2002 missing

 

 

2001

7-8.4.01
Guest house
I'm staying alone in a guest house. The daughter (black, curly hair – Karen Booth from my schooldays?) come son to me so I try to plan how to spend the night with her. I go for a reccy along a canal towpath and cycle through the fishing lines of 3 boys who are fishing there. I untangle myself and continue on the other side of the hedge, but find myself in a private garden where a woman tells me to ask some bloke how best to get out onto the main road.
(This turned out to be prophetic of Dori's visit where we went for a walk by the canal)
Previous Night:
I innocently take something on my way out of a shop and the shopkeeper shouts at me 'You'll pay for that! I don't know how, but you'll pay for it!'

21-22.5.01
Toshack
I'm in the wings of a theatre, waiting to come out in the 2nd Act of a play. I realise the 1st act was very short and the 2nd act is too short to justify itself, so I 'spin out' my part, which is that of an ill person lying in bed, by pretending to vomit into a bucket (like Alan Davies in his one-man show; the part about Indian illnesses) Before the curtain goes up I realise it's still not long enough and I say this to my co-actress, who says 'Don't worry'
Yesterday I hyeard about Toshack's untimely death and I think this dream is trying to put it into context in my life. I'm at the half way point (end of act 1/start of act 2) and haven't got enough content left!

31/5-1/6.6.01
Cycling
I'm cycling (through Ireland?) with friends. I set off (back to somewhere) on my own, realise that it's dusk and so start going faster to catch the last daylight. Going along a muddy road, I see Chris and Tom who are putting in bus-stops so I do skid-stop and stop for a chat with them.

28-9.11.01
Why 3 cars?
About to set off for a holiday in France with J and J and a black bloke. I overhear a comment that we'll need 3 cars. I wonder why.
Welsh Sam's theory: they're about to split up. I go into the next bar and hear that Chris and Arantxa have split up. Weird coincidence?

 

 

2000

23-24.1.00
Stuck in a lift
A scary dream. Wanting to escape from an unpleasant situation I get into an old-fashioned lift to the 3rd floor. Knowing something horrible awaits me, I step out onto a station platform. There are posters, people sitting around and a soldier with a gun, but no one has a face; only blank, white heads. Consequently, no one sees me. I wake up un-nerved, nevertheless.

 

 

1999

14-15.10.99
Handball
I end up playing handball with a family that's been putting me up (including one fat girl who looks like Linda Potter from my childhood) and play really well, taking my lead from some fat bloke we saw on the TV scoring a great goal v the USA.

6-7.2.99
Too many goalkeepers
I turn up for a Zaragoza Celtic game and see the Pict's turned up all decked out in green goalkeeping kit. Then I see another goalie identically attired beside him and wonder how I'm going to explain to him that he's lost his place. I look over and there are 2 more, so we've got 4 all of a sudden.

7-8.11.99
Indoor football
Dai's organised an indoor football tournament so I turn up and it's just a sort of barn with mattresses on the floor. I'm confused so I go off somewhere else and end up playing a game in a room somewhere with 2 little girls.

8-9.11.99
Vague memory of having a horrible argument with my brother.

4-5.12.99
Badminton
Played badminton with Steve and hit the shuttlecock so hard my raquet strings broke. I thought this was a memroy, not a dream, when I woke up (and that I had no other raquet – also false) for about an hour.

10-11.12.99
Must be a dream
I'm playing futbol sala and Rafa's running at me. I expect him to dribble at me but he puts a perfect pass in for Chris W to score a tap-in goal (both of which made me think it must have been a dream)

12-13.10.99
Breakfast in bed
I'm in bed with a pretty, dark-haired, 17-year old girl, having a great time. It's morning and her dad brings us beakfast. None of us seem surprised.

21-22.10.99
Coping
I'm trying to keep control of a class of about 100 students, and just about managing by drawing stuff on the board and getting them to do things. For some reason this reminds me that a week ago I dreamed about running around trying to get money off a Welsh bloke to get a ticket for an important ferry-crossing, which I suppsoe was jsut to wake me up so I didn't miss my lift from Dai.

Summer 99
Kids
I find some kids larking around in a van (they nearly run me over) and take it on myself to see them home without calling the police. Later I call round to see if their mum (Ann, from St Joseph's canteen) has read my play. She'd fallen asleep with her head on the kitchen table while reading it.

 

 

1998

2-3.2.98
Compendium of Games
I'm with Rhianne, Pablo and Helen, walking round a huge 'Compendium of Games'. There are snow drifts and laser beams and weird clothes to try on that cause optical illusions. Helen goes in a room where a laser beam shoots out, gets scared and runs off. We're walking round trying to find her.

8-9.2.98
1) I'm taking J and J (amnd someone else?) on a sightseeing tour of Harwood. I get off the bus a stop too soon and we have to walk back up Hardy Mill Lane in order to see some plaque on a dry stone wall, or something. John starts grumbling about the distance we have to walk
2) I'm watching England (in white) v Germany (in green) on TV (I think). 3 Germans go down in the area. The goalie thinks they've dived and is so pised off he throws them over the crossbar and onto the top netting of the goal, which then collapses.

20-21.3.98
Casco Viejo
I'm walking round Zaragoza's Casco Viejo (except that it's full of charming, multi-level views of lovely streets and a charming river) We take a look into someone's garden and see he has a view of a lawn leading down between trees to the Ebro. We're envious.

10-11.4.98
Long Journey Home
I'm on a bus going 'home' (looks like I live on an estate at the top of Hardy Mill Lane) I can see the houses looking lovely on top of a hill, but I decide to get off a bit before. I read an old stone signpost which has 'Jeweller's 100 yards' carved into it. I wonder how old it is. I'm alone and it's a sunny day. A feeling of well-being.
2nd part: In a triangle formed by streams, I'm on the bank of one on a raised glass plateau, partaking in some kind of a game. The other team has to get a stick from in front of me to a point behind me where two streams converge by some rocks and cliffs, but they 'cheat' by throwing it to a companion in a boat in the stream, so I run down to the rocks to anticipate their arrival and spoil their trick. But no one comes.

23-24.4.98
Pool Game Spoiled
I have to get to Heathrow (I think) I set off walking and end up in a disused mine, where I walk along an old metal gangway (like the one in Trinity St, Bolton) I see people getting on a coach (shoolkids, 15 years old) so I get on pretending to be part of their school trip, or whatever (They're speaking in a foreign language (German or Russian?) and I'm trying to understand. The driver's not paying attention and we crush a small red car which comes at us head on. Everyone gets off and I set up walking up thyrough a sort of hole in a motorway bridge where traffic is continuing to come down. I think I'll try to get to Forest Side, Kennington, Oxford, if possible. Suddenly, me and Dai are playing pool somewhere and a big German lad comes and puts his hand over the black ball. I remonstrate but he and his mate put money in to start a new game. I look round for Dai but he's fucked off.

25-6.1.98
Heroin addicts and murderers
Ma and J an J are on holiday with the car. We park it and find a place to sleep in a hut in a field. The place is crawling with heroin addicts and murderers. We manage to extricate ourselves without betraying our fear too much. At one point one of them has a gun to my head.

31/1-1/2.98
Elena
I'm living in a house and 2 girls move in. One is Elena from the Sopa de Letras (I remember her hat and her twisted tooth) As soon as her friend goes out she starts having sex with me in the most natural, easy way. I go along with it and we have a great time in the garden, in the hall, etc. My only adult wet dream.

13-14.4.98
Dissolving corpse
A doctor show me a patient on whom he has operated unsuccessfully. He seems to be dissolving in soem kind of liquid. A nightmare (based on the League of Gentlemen, problems with Elena (not Sopa Elena) and the state of my toilet)

20-21.6.98
Pushing in
I'm at a football club type of dinner and Dai is egging me on to start an argument with some bloke. I think this is a reference to him queue-jumping me to Mari-Carmen last night. Second time in a month he's been so rude.

13-14.10.98
Weird landscape
I'm with a group of people in Ireland and 2 of us split off from the group to go and buy something, which they don't have in the shop we go in, so we go for a walk. We go up a ramp to a turn-off but whoever I'm with falls back down the first time then manages it at the second attempt and we arrive at a platform on legs which bends over low enough for you to jump off. I see a railway line and decide to follow it to see what direction we're going in.

 

 

1997

5-6.3.97
A Walk with Patrick.
I go for a walk with Patrick through high misty forests to see his new house. I play with Emma, reading books, then we play with 5-a-side on the parquet. Our team wins a very rough game with an own goal in the last minute that just creeps over the line.

6-7.3.97
Tickets for Chelsea.
I go to get tickets for a Chelsea game. There's a massive queue and I'm the last one. A black girl serves me and leaves two one pound notes (not coins) on the counter. I don't nick them when I have the chance and she asks me why not. Then she shows me into the East Stand.

24-5.4.97
Drongos in My House.
I go home to visit mum but she's not in. Instead, there are loads of drongos who are pitched in a tent on the moors qnd are using the house as a sort of stop-over. They treat me like shit and I start plotting revenge. Some of the lads from football come round to practise in the garden so I put it to them that we give them a good kicking (I've spent ages trying to find my shoes but can't, so I assume they must have nicked them). I'm looking forward to said kicking when I'm woken up by the phone (Vladimir offering me some translation work).

17-18.5.97 (day after the Cup Final).
On the Ranch.
I'm on a ranch of some kind and see some guys trying to be macho by riding horses, so I get on one and start galloping across a field. It's great (the ground rushing under my feet and all that), but I come across the shooting of a Cowboys and Indians film which I don't want to be in so I take the horse out of sight around the side of a building (some kind of brick outhouse).

7-8.6.97
On a Bus with Olga
I'm on a bus with Olga (like on 500 Bus.stops). I can't see out of the window because her hair's falling down over my eyes and is in the way. We're having a laugh about something.

10-11.6.97
Unruly Class.
I can't control an unruly class so I send out a very blonde girl, referring to her as 'Blancanieves'. She ignores me, as do the rest of them. I'm not fussed. After school I go for a meal with John and Janette. Other teachers from the school see me and laugh at me because of my discipline problems, but I laugh with them, still not bothered.

7-8.6.97
On a Bus with Olga
I'm on a bus with Olga (like on 500 Bus Stops. I can't see out of the window 'cause her hair's in the way. We're having a laugh together.

June 97
Living in the End Room of a Long L-shaped Building.
I'm living in this part (see diag in original diary) of a very run-down building. At night a tramp calls to see me (a friend of Mark's - possibly Rod's alco mate from Paris. I play host for a while unwillingly then get rid of him. Then another tramp comes looking for someone who lives here (at the other end of the 'L'). I let him in then go out to watch Cowley Works' football team who are playing on a parks pitch near by. I stand on the top of a slope to watch. (It's a cross between Longsight Park and 'El Canal' here in Zaragoza.

3-4.8.97
Humble Pie with Merche.
I bump into Merche and invite her out for a meal, arranging to meet her at the restaurant. I have to go to a friend's house first to get the washing in from the 12th (top) floor of a building. I have to go down by ladder and I get a bit scared, trying to put my hands on it to steady it before I start my descent. Then I remember Merche doesn't know where the restaurant is, so I go home thinking I've fucked up. Merche rings and says "Estoy muy decepcionada" - I beg for forgiveness, we meet, I eat more humble pie, put my hand on her knee and everything seems to be O.K.

18-19.9.97
Film Show in London Suburb.
I meet a girl by chance, but just when I have to go to a 'philosophical' film show. I invite her along, semi-reluctantly, and she talks all the way through the film (which is brilliant; psychedelic aerial shots of Britain, volcanoes, the Mandelbrot set etc.) so I snog her to shut her up and we end up snogging for ages. I leave the film and realise I don't know how to get home. I'm in some light, leafy London suburb and it's still day.

23-4.9.97
New Class in Strange School.
I'm teaching a class that's new to me. There's over 30 of them. I teach them some letters and phonemes and then the bell goes. They all start eating as if in a cafeteria then it goes dark and a film comes on. I take my shoes off to watch it, then think I must have another class somewhere else. I start to panic, dash out of the room, realise I haven't got my shoes with me, try to find them, fail, panic some more, succeed, then think maybe I don't have another class after all.

13-14.10.97
Vague Nightmarish Recollection.
Someone (I think it's a girl) is spraying me with a kind of glue meant to paralyse me before she kills me. I realise I have to move my limbs, or something, before it sets. She's already done my arms and is starting on my legs. I struggle hard and just about manage to move one of my arms. The dream ends there.

8-9.12.97
Busking in Plaza España.
I'm busking in Don Jaime but for some reason I can't (maybe the mendigo's there) so I go into a shop (or possibly the new bar, Siglo XV) where I buy a bottle of wine and go out the other side. I meet the mendigo from the puerta de la iglesia and he turns right to come with me instead of going back to the church. I start to play on the pavement in the Plaza España and money starts raining in. The case can hardly holdit all. I go off for more wine leaving everything there on the pavement then I realise I shouldn't because someone might rob it (the money or the violin) but when I get back it's all still there.

17-18.10.97
A Tip by the Sea
I'm visiting a couple who live in a flat by the sea. They drink and smoke loads and the palce is a tip. They leave the door open. There's a bloke upstairs who I'm convinced is a murderer. We go for a walk along the sea front then return to the flat. Quite a disturbing dream (at times the couple was John and Janette, I think)

13-14.12.97
Wittenham Clumps
I'm on a train to Wittenham Clumps, but when I get off, the Clumps (which are now a huge mountain) are behind me with spectacular views, never to be reached. Alcoholic Dave is on the platform. I avoid his gaze.

 

 

1996

23-4.1.96
Bike Ride in Spain
I'm on a bike ride in Spain. There's a city down below. I'm up in the mountains. Beautiful scenery. I start to go down hill then the bike lane goes over a ravine separate from the road. It's only just wide enough for a bike and I'm so scared I wake up (but it's not a nightmare - I'm only scared in the dream).
Back to sleep again : I'm being chased by a big monster of a bloke through something like a deserted spaceship (?) then I realise I'm invisible. I must have been fairly cheeky, though, because next thing I know he's got me trapped in one of his arms and he's putting a tie on. Just when he realises there's something there (me still being invisible) I wake up again.

6-7.2.96
A Cake for Me.
I'm giving a class in what looks like a small hut. I'm just about to make a point or a joke but the students' attention is wandering. The lights go out. It turns out they were more interested in a cake they'd been preparing, which they present me with. Lots of candles on it. I feel happy.

15-16.2.96
Clive Walker.
I'm chatting with Clive Walker and he's reminiscing about his 100% goalscoring record against York City. (The following night an impotence dream where I play crap at futbol sala. Then on the night of 8-9th May I dream an incredible backheeled cross for Phil to score with a bullet header. A bit similar to the one I really did give to Jason for him to score in the Christmas tournament a year later).

2-3.6.96
The Cashpoint
Three of us go to play football somewhere in a different town. I remember looking out of the window of the house where we're staying over a garden, a river with a waterwheel etc. and having a rant about something with our host. We go to play the game and on the way back we go to a cashpoint machine. Next to it is a shop window full of nice stuff. We're looking at it enviously and a bloke puts his hand through the window and takes a TV. The bottom half of the glass, it turns out, had been cut away, so we help ourselves to stuff and take it back to the house where we get it all out on the lawn to look at it. I got a sleeping bag, some boots and other stuff.

18-19.4.96
The Lost Baby.
Among a group of people, I'm carrying my violin and American Tony is carrying his baby. We go for a beer and realise that the baby's missing. We send out several search parties. I get on my bike and cycle out then I sit under a hedge by a road and drink a Guinness. Then I go to some big open air cinema on a hill with someone and end up looking for Carol (of La Gruta) in a bar that she's just left. Matt Screech and Art from Oxford turn up and say the baby's been found but they've left the rest of them because of some argument. Two of them, according to Matt, have to live together in a cupboard. Anyway, we have a drink and a chat about English comedy programmes.

Summer 96
Dusty Bar.
I go down a street to get my violin and amp from a bar where I've left them (It's in a Spanish town during fiestas). The owner says the cops have taken them and doesn't seem at all bothered. He's a fat scruffy bloke and, as I was coming down the street, I saw him talking in a friendly way to a couple of coppers. I am extremely miffed. The bar is like a bare room with dusty wooden floorboards and bar.

Summer 96
Not Busted by the Police.
Me and (a) friend(s) are stopped by the police and have to sit in their car. We're smoking a J so obviously we assume we've been nicked. All this happens on Bradshaw brow. The copper and his blonde girlfriend have a smoke then leave us alone. We wake up and go into town. The blonde has some exhibition on in a shop window in the High Street and something is not in place so we reach in (through a hole in the glass window?) and rearrange it properly. She explains that her copper friend had some dope and wanted to know how to skin up properly.

Summer 96.
Late For Work.
I'm late for work, dashing round frantically gathering things up and rushing out. When I go out into the road I see a woman in the centre aisle with curly blonde hair and dark glasses. When she smiles I see (like in Polanski's 'The Tenant' when we see Simone Schule's toothless smile.) a twisted tooth and realise that it's Merche. I'm SO glad to see her. We go somewhere together and catch up on all the news.

1-2.11.96
Clifftop Football.
I'm on a clifftop next to a chickenwire fence with a football which two people on the other side of the fence want, so I try to chip it over but it hits the top of the fence, comes down on my side and goes down the cliff where a cat (or dog?) tries to show me where it is by yowling.

5-6.11.96
In a Sex Shop with Jordi.
I go into a shop with Jordi. He picks out a video which turns out to be hard porn. I don't know whether I like the idea or not. I leave my old tatty blue-grey rucksack (empty) on the floor as he calls me over to look at the rubber doll he's buying. We leave, then I remember I've left my rucksack and have to go back in to look for it but it isn't there any more.

Leftover Images.
I'm painting a big picture of Vialli on the Stamford Bridge turf under the floodlights. It's very good, done in lovely night blues and yellows (and I don't even like Vialli particularly).
In a pub in Bradshaw I'm with a girl with long fair hair. There are some slight arguments (not between me and her) but generally everyone's having a good time.

18-19.11.96
Fair-haired Artist.
A beautiful fair-haired girl is eplaining her art to me. (She looks like Azucena from Tomás' company).
We are at her exhibition and she's telling me the meaning of her three very small modern sculptures on a wide shelf.

19-20.11.96
Home For My Violin.
I'm at the cinema in Spain with a Spanish girl. In the front row I notice another girl speaking English. We come out and I'm with my girlfriend in a passage that leads to the street. She demands a kiss which I give her after pretending to refuse. Then I realise I have to go home for my violin so I get a bus to my barrio and get off, almost going to the bus stop again without getting my violin (i.e. forgetting it). So I change direction to go back to my flat across strange rutted roads and have to run into some thistles to avoid a car that nearly knocks me over.
A gypsy with a horse and cart passes by.

 

 

1995

6-7.1.95
Alphaville
I'm on a beach with a beautiful blonde girl (Merche or Yanka?) She says 'I love you' and leans forward to kiss me, at which moment I realise I'm really Lemmy Caution in Alphaville. I dash back to my dingy Parisian-style flat, go to my room on the 4th floor and desperately cram things into purses, wallets, suitcases. Just as I finish I hear a key click in the door. I stand on a chair in the corner of the room while the film-noir 'baddie' enters, and as he does so I leap down and out of the room, down the stairwell in 4 giant bounds and think to myself 'I can get the rest of mys tuff later if he doesn't realise I haven't taken it now' Obviously it's something important.

24.5.1.95
Busking
I'm going busking with two friends (both male and younger) It's a fiesta and we're late. People are starting to move. We go to the entrance of a tube station to set up but no one at all comes past so we move on to various places with the same result. We find ourselves on a deserted road (motorway) heading out of town, at the edge of a wood. The road seems to be still under construction. Still no people, no traffic - just us and a few road workers in the distance.

7-8.2.95
Fragments of a Long Dream.
Scrabbling down a rock face, sea at the bottom, sense of déja-vu. Looking for someone missing presumed dead (a girl, I think).
I go to Jamaica. It's my birthday. My present is to give my dog (an alsation) a ride in a hang-glider.
I wake up to Dvorjak's 4th symphony feeling very emotional.

18-19.10.95
Peppy
I'm taking Peppy (our old family pet, the Yorkshire terrier) out for a walk. I have a very vivid memory of the way she used to strain at the leash in her desire to go faster. We end up in a field of grass half covered over with tall trees. The memory is so blissfully happy I'm nearly crying when I wake up.

18-19.10.95
5-a-side.
I go to see a five-a-side game, Oxford vs. Chelsea on a full pitch. The ground is full. We find a place to perch right at the back but then decide to move down through the mayhem to the touchline. Chelsea get stuffed 4-0.

2-3.4.95
Shot At.
Me and John and Janette are walking through Zaragoza and some Spaniards see us and start shooting at us because we're Chelsea fans. One shot hits John but it turns out to be not so serious as it's only an air rifle.

10-11.6.95
Patricia in Sabadell.
I'm in a room with people I know from Sabadell, looking for Patricia. They say she doesn't even talk to them any more, puts the phone down and all that, then they beckon me through a door and there she is, sitting on Stan (the Welshman)'s knee (!).

9-10.10.95
Nasty Brothers.
I'm going to college but decide to go for a bike ride instead. I go to a cottage in the country where I know a family with lots of sons and gorgeous daughters. I'm with Aidan at first and we're practising. I start to smoke a J but someone comes in and tells me not to. (I remember being alone in a room , stoned, worrying about not knowing my new college timetable and already missing my first class).
I'm getting on well with one of the daughters. There are two horrible lads among the sons - one of them finds a syringe in her room and assumes I'm a heroin dealer so punishes the two of us by beating us up then wrapping us in cloth and forcing us to watch some kind of 'show' which involves a woman pretending to eat someone's eye, which oozes out between her teeth, then we're chucked in a waste paper skip and left for dead. The refuse lorry comes round and I'm swearing revenge as the bin men tip us in but it tips us into one of those things that churn up the rubbish and it's all full of shit and cement so it looks like we've had it.

(Here I wake up and when I fall asleep again I re-visit the dream)

I cycle up to the house a bit more sussed this time and as we're eating, the bad lads come round 'giving' people crap dope and then demanding payment for it. I refuse to be involved, go away and start copping off with one of the beautiful daughters. I have my hand on her knee, there's a kind of party atmosphere then some cops arrive to the surprise of everyone. I ask the girl to give me my packet of Rizlas back as I've left it in an obvious place on the table.

10-11.10.95
Three Part Dream.
I'm walking down a street of terraced houses with mum. We go into a bar - a long wooden room with a few men in it. Jurgen Klinsmann comes in with a back pack on. The barman doesn't recognise him and I joke about this. Consequently we don't get on very well (me and the barman). He says I have to go. I go and play football with the others with something that looks like a crumpled-up fag packet. I hit the post from a corner. The other team hits our post straight after.

Dream I had in Bolton in October 95.
I'm on a pavement talking to someone (Harry Taylor, my old French teacher at Canon Slade?) I've missed an appointment for something (an EFL job or course?) and I'm worried about it but decide to put on a brave face.

 

 

1994

Jan 94
Political Change
There are rumours of political change in China and I go with some villagers who decide to move to a more remote mountain region for three months. Some won't go, claiming it is "adultery" of Mao's philosophy. The hill tribe where we stay greet newcomers by squeezing their upper arms. One by one members of the tribe disappear and no one knows what happens to them. We suppose they have fled back to the city.
One day a horseman rides in shouting "Run! Run! They are cannibals! Run!"

Jan 94
Real Zaragoza.
I promise Real Zaragoza six thousand pounds of my own money if they get into the semi finals of the Copa del Rey, thinking I´ll lay it off against another bet which I forget to put on. I wake up with the image of a "cheque" tatooed onto the pitch of the Romareda where the players run out thinking that I owe them the money and me wondering where I'm going to get it from.

Jan 94
Paradise City Revisited.
Another dream of my paradise city of gold in the mountains by the sea. We go off to train for a football match and are trotting single file through the park when I decide to show everyone the sights and lead them to a large flat gold-paved square between ornate golden buildings on a plateau high above the city by the sea.

4-5.5.94
At the Cup Final
I go to the Cup Final and I'm the only Chelsea supporter.I find my way to my gate (No 110) hasving first gone to No 10 by mistake. I make my way there through loads of festival type tents. I'm in a lobby made mainly of glass when I ask a bloke directions. His wife says "Chris!, Chris!" I don't recognise her, but pretend to and promise to exchange letters with her when I return to Spain. She writes her name and address. It turns out she's called Sarah.

5-6.5.94
Boring Concert
I go to a concert which is boring. At the end I see Javier, Teresa, etc I'm with loads of people. It's in Coventry or Milton Keynes or somewhere. For some reason, at the end we have to split into groups of four and do a treasure hunt. I end up in a group of three - me and two girls.

17-18.5.94
Teaching with Rhianne.
I have to move classrooms so I and my students go to the upstairs part of a bar, a big wooden room. A new pupil comes in. Rhianne is giving a class on the other side of the same room and puts some music on. Two of my students start snogging (one is Merche, la rubia). I go over to Rhi and tell her to turn the music off as she's creating too much of a party atmosphere, but people are bringing in bottles and glasses and the party's under way. Among the guests are Merche's dad (who she reintroduces me to) and Pablo. We all end up dancing.

6-7.6.94
In a Van with Jordi.
I'm in a van with Jordi and others (Aidan and Cristina?). We go to a place just past Madrid that Jordi wants to show me because it's where he used to go and smoke. It's a rocky desert landscape that looks like the moon. We run out of petrol so Jordi goes to get some and A and C go to a house cut into the rock where they know pople they can "cenar" with. I wait in the van for ages but no Jordi so I go into the house to enquire. C and A say that Jordi got the petrol but then he drank it. I decideto go for a walk on the roof seeing how near to the edge I can get but I overdo it and fall off. It seems that I knew I was going to fall. The drop looked to be about forty feet.

 

 

Feb 1991 – end 1993 missing.

 

 

1991

Jan 91
Nogbad and Odin
While staying in a hotel in Barcelona, my first day in Spain, the strange noises in the corridor (typical hotel noises, birds in cages etc.) make me uneasy and I dream of my old feline friends, which comforts me.

 

 

1990

27-28.2.90
In the East Stand.
I´m at Stamford Bridge, in the East Stand.Chelsea are 2-1 up against C.Palace. In the last minute something happens and everyone stands up. (I think we score).

28.2.-1.3.90
Metal Detector.
I get home to my terraced house. A policeman and policewoman are going over the doorframe with a metal detector. I go in nevertheless and up to my top floor room where I get out my stash. A girlfriend comes round and I try to get her to buy it at half price. All she wants is sex, though.

1.2.3.90
Marianne.
I´m observing a class in Milton Keynes with Marianne. We´re sitting at the back. The kids are doing an oral, showing a video of themselves playing soccer in the playground. We watch, but M. keeps talking to me. Even the teacher has to tell her to shut up. I turn round and say "shhh" to her, taking hold of her hand and squuezing it as I do so.

13-14.4.90
Tibetan Monastery.
I return to a monastery in Tibet. Two friends I´m with doubt my faith then disappear. Not wanting to disturb the monks at table, I go up a wooden staircase which leads to a balcony outside. An evil creature (half-man type thing) follows me up the stairs and I run away knowing I´ll just be able to escape by getting through a strange gate contraption at the end, which I succesfully do.

11-12.5.90
Wild West.
I´m in the Wild West walking through deserts and mountains with two friends. We look for somewhere to stay, rejecting new touristy hotels and going down into the valley. My friends disappear. I go into a shop where people are sitting around in a circle on the floor. I take a long time choosing sweets from out of jars and take them to the counter to pay. A small Mexican boy charges me $13.00. I total it up and seethat it should be $3.50.

5-6.6.90
Last Three Lessons.
I´m late for the penultimate lesson (Ian Stewart) because I´ve left my bag in the toilet and can´t find it. I end up on the other side of Manchester (with Keith Dent?). We´re lost near Picadilly. The streets are big and wide and there are some Russian women tourists. I find Nigel Holmes´ old drinking place and we go down the amphitheatre-like steps to the old wooden door which now has ivy growing over it. Everything looks abandoned, derelict, overgrown. We try to find the tube stop(?) which turns out to be through the back of a record shop. There is a huge old wooden Victorian type lift which we go in. I look on the map to work out where to go but it´s all been scrubbed out except a very pale blue line and one stop on it ("Jail"). Losing hope. The lift is crammed. I can still make it.

5-6.7.90
Two Horrible Dreams.
I : Accused of Murder.
I´m in town and a girl is murdered near me. At home I´m talking about it with someone (for some reason I´m naked). Someone knocks at the front door. I go to answer it and though the glass I see a small woman. I open the door partially and she forces her way in clutching a knife and shrieking "murderer" at me. A frightening dream. I wake up at 5 a.m. The sky is red.

II : Getting Out of Town.
I´m with my friends when a copper stops me in the street for a chat. When he gets out of earshot he becomes very stern and serious. I know my friends are planning to plant a bomb but I pretend to think the police are after them for dope. I wonder what to do. In the evening I sneak to the bus station to get the first bus out of town at 8.30 p.m., all the while nervous of being discovered.

8-9.7.90
Matthew Arnold School.
I´m teaching at M.A. school and the kids are only half-interested. Mrs Dineen comes in and we teach together. The kids put their coats on and go to the door. I say "You´re not going out of that door" so they walk calmly out of the window onto an adjoining roof.

22-23.7.90
Moving House.
I´m moving house in Birmingham (with John and Janette) and carrying out of the house two glass cases,one like a big hat box and the other long and rectangular. I get the first one out and put it on the pavement, then I have terrible trouble with the second one. I put it down and the lid slides off. Lots of worms come crawling out over the edges (like in the hammer film version of "Premature Burial").

23-24.7.90
Strange Noises.
It´s night and there are strange noises coming from outside. I refuse to be frightened and go next door to see the neighbour, a woman sitting on a couch. I join her on the couch and she tells me her house is situated above the hole through which the lost souls are sucked into hell. You can hear them screaming. I feel a pressure on my chest like a finger pushing - it starts to burn and I can´t get off the seat. I wake up frightened.

 

 

July 1987 – July 1988 missing:

August 1988 - July 1989 

In this period I decided to write up my dreams as if they were poems, as an experiment.

DREAM POEMS                   August 1988 – July 1989

Dedicated to the memory of our pet kitten, Nogbad, the purest being I ever knew (until I met Marina), who was too good-natured to stand much of a chance in this world and was killed on the road on the weekend of 15^th-16^th June, 1989, his brother Odin being similarly rubbed out of existence by the 20^th century’s favourite killer only a few months later.

 

Ifindmyselfonthefrontseatofabus

After many things I can’t remember

I find myself on the front seat of a bus

Travelling down a road

A girl with large breasts is cycling towards us

The lorry in front of us stops and the driver motions her towards him

But the traffic forces him to move on

Just a little further up the road, our black and white cat, Thor,

Is trying to escape a man with a javelin who tries to spear him

He runs in and out of the traffic

The slow-moving traffic

At least three times the man tries to stab my pet, but misses

 

Thistimei’monmybike

This time I’m on my bike,

Following Kev in the Princess,

He shoots the lights

At the King’s Arms,

The junction with Holywell Street

So I shoot the lights to keep up with him

And out of nowhere comes a cop-car

Which pulls me up

 

Out gets a hard-looking middle-aged copper

He takes me to a temporary Incident Room

Behind white boards, where Blackwell’s is

I stay there for ages, just chatting,

Being friendly, drinking tea

Eventually I walk out free

He doesn’t charge me

I think he just forgot

 

Iknowthisfeelingican’tdrive

I know this feeling

I can’t drive, but I’m on my own behind the wheel of a car

Outside my old house in Bolton

It sets off rolling slowly but I manage to steer it

All along the road to town and into a car park

Just this side of Turner Bridge, where I’m thinking

‘I’d better get off the road now’

I’ve only had one near scrape,

Trying to overtake a car just as it pulls out

To overtake the one in front. Both cars stop

And the incident comes to nothing

What kind of a car was I in? I’m

Trying to remember, I think

It was pink

 

 

Inmanacleforesttheysayyouwillfindthesecretofalllife

In Manacle Forest, they say, you will find the secret of all life

 

In India I am watching as a girl is being burned

Her crime is adultery. She shakes herself free of her bonds

And runs headlong for the train station platform

She runs and the whole village runs after her

Chasing her, with herds of bulls eager for sex

Into the edge of Manacle Forest

 

There they all stop, remembering the legend

I am among them. On the forest floor I find

Tattered pieces of paper, fragments of words

Among the dead leaves. I put them together

The girl is back on the platform

The platform is burning

The girl is burning

 

AtlastIthinkIamamusician

At last I think I am a musician

Because Frank Zappa has invited me to a warehouse

Where I play guitar with his band and sing very well

After the session he buys all the band new gear

Except me. I am disappointed.

When I get home to my house in Bolton

I find a friendly copper in glasses

Where have I been?

What do I know?

Do I know Lefanu?

I don’t, but it turns out

The warehouse and all that was a cover-up

For a huge cocaine heist

Later the bobby calls again

Outside it is still Bolton

Inside it is 43, Herschel crescent

He asks me about Peabody, this time

Who is he?

As we talk, another copper pulls up outside

On a motorbike. This one is not so friendly and I feel

Things are about to take a serious turn

 

Myjobistostandguardovertwocriminalsinaroom

My job is to stand guard over two criminals in a room

My helper leaves with one of them and in his absence

I shoot the other with a gun

When the others return I shrug my shoulders

‘It’s all right, isn’t it? After all

he did steal lots of money’ I continue in this way

trying to justify myself dispassionately

 

then I dream that Nogbad is in my bedroom

I bend down to stroke him

And his stripey coat turns to grey,

He turns into Odin who is

All we have left now

I wake up sad, sorry for the death of my kitten

 

(and sorrier for us for having lost him forever)

 

Imabouttosetoffformyholidaysinscotland

I’m about to set off for my holidays in Scotland

To return to Birmingham, where I’m living

In the queue at the bus station I meet Janette

As I talk to her I remember I’ve forgotten a kitten

That I wanted to take home with me

I’ve spent my holidays in a house

Up a track near a small town

So I don’t know the centre well

Though it’s too small to get lost in

So I ask the driver to just wait for five minutes

(‘no, not even that’)

and leave the station, being careful to memorise the way back

looking at shop fronts and thinking hard,

then I realise I’ve set off in the wrong direction

so I make for the bus station to start again

I’ve only gone a couple of hundred yards but

everything has changed and I’m already lost

 

imatafootballmatchinburndenpark

I’m at a football match in Burnden Park

And the match stops as players argue and brawl

In front of one of the goalmouths

The posts and nets are at right angles to

Where they should be

The referee gets so pissed off with them

He pulls the nets down over the lot of them

And they are caught like birds in a trap

I am sitting in the stands watching all this

I chance to look down at my feet

I find coins; English, American and

Weird African ones shaped like elongated ovals

With holes in the middle

Whoever is sitting next to me leans over and tells me

‘they’re worth nothing unless they’re in a pair,

siting together one on top of the other

making a squashed figure-of-eight,

the universal symbol for the infinite’

 

invietnamontheedgeofajungleifindmyself

In Vietnam, on the edge of a jungle,

I find myself in a house with many friends,

But sensing danger I decide to leave

Outside there are people surrounding the house,

Serious-minded and military,

Heavy and inflammatory

I move through the rifle butts

The soul of subservience

Negotiating the minefield with politeness

As they begin to set fire to the houses

I hope all my Vietnamese friends inside

Have a tunnel to go through to safety,

An underground escape passage

I suspect is there

At the airport as I try to leave

I expect trouble but

They search my luggage sketchily

And let me board my plane

 

 

 

1987

25-26.2.87
Sound Sources.
It's the day before a recording and I'm walking along Percy Street looking for sound sources. I find two expensive.looking watches and pick them up. One is a cartier. ThenI see an alam clock and move towards it but stand in some soft, warm mud. I'm only wearing the sandals I brought back form India.

15-16.3.87
Genesis and Rush
I'm at a party at my parents' home in Bolton but I hide away in dad's bedroom. Later I end up with Kevin Armstrong and Alison. I take a huge mirror off the wall and pretend it's a string bass, while Kev plays his guitar and we mime along to old Genesis and Rush albums.

8-9.4.87
Flash Blue Car.
I'm in a flash blue car, very low and shiny sapphire-coloured which I drive entirely by pedals at my feet and in which I'm going to Glasgow via Stonehenge (which is near Newcastle in the dream). I stop and get out, walk back down a hill into a town, find a college and ask for instructions but the directions they give me are unhelpful. I get in the car (which is back over a bridge) then I drive through files of schoolgirls, one line on either side of the road. They throw stones at me as I go through then I stop at a concrete hut which is where I'm staying for the night. The girl I'm with gets pissed off and leaves me. I go out to collect logs in the evening sunlight and bring them into the hut. I get out my two teddy bears and put them on glass shelves which face my bunk bed then I settle down and go to sleep.

23-24.4.87
Gig in a Warehouse.
We go to play a concert with a band at a warehouse-like youth club in a desolate part of town. Kev and Alison insist on playing new numbers which we only half know. People are getting bored by the interval. I want to play the old stuff but Kev and Alison won't have any of it.

28-29.4.87
Christmas in Oxford.
It's Christmas day and I go up the High Street in Oxford and into a church for the service. Some black guy across the aisle starts hassling me for some dope. I tell him some days in the year I have a day off. Outside, another black guy hassles me as I walk up the High Street on my way to Port Meadow. Eventually I get rid of him. I'm still troubled with dreams.

27-28.5.87
Gypsies.
I'm playing my violin in front of a big window. A gang of raggedly dressed kids come and start taking the piss out of me. One is trying to say something to me so I go through the hallway to the door and open it. A gypsy woman is sitting on a large lawn but I only notice her after much bantering with the kids. One of the girls says "I'm looking for it". I notice that her tights are black and full of holes. The old woman says "Where is she?" I get confused and go indoors. It turns out I'm living with Billie. I find her and put my arm around her to lead her into another room, nice and big and white with a large wide window. "I think you'd better explain" I say. She does but it doesn't make any sense. "Do they want to play with Daniel?" she asks me. "Yes", I reply "They said something about playing by the cliffs"."No way" she says and tells me they're the gypsies who live across the way from our nice big house, in the woods.

31.5-1.6.87
Visit from My Brother.
My brother comes to visit me. He's turned into a tramp with thick, greasy, matted hair and a moustache. I get pissed off with him because he won't do any work around the house. I'm in a ruch and notice the washing up hasn't been done. I come into my bedroom to shout at him and see he's left the kettle on and the room's full of steam. I go apeshit.

31.5.-1.6.87
Dial-a-Thomas-Hardy-Novel.
I'm about to phone Dial-a-Thomas-Hardy-Novel because it's Christmas, and I feel like one, when the phone rings. A voice (like Tony's from the Pegasus Theatre) says "Hello. You don't remember me." and reminds me I'd agreed to buy shares or something, and I'm behind on my instalments. It's some big christian deal and he gives me the hard sell about it. "If it's so great" I say "why are you hassling me for money for it at 11 o'clock on a Tuesday night?" His voice becomes sinister and he starts blaming me for all the ills of the world. I tell him to fuck off and put the phone down. I can't get the dialling tone back at first, but eventually manage, and dial 01-278,then the voice is back. "You don't get rid of me that easily" it says. I try to laugh at him but my own voice comes out like a terrified, shrill, panting sound.

3-4.6.87
LSD at the Films.
I go to see a film I've seen before and take some LSD beforehand. I'm with someone and I don't remeber the film at all, or even know if I'm seeing the same as he's seeing. As the film goes on, everything beccomes magnified so the film seems to be of minute parasitic creatures attacking each other on a boulder-strewn landscape, then things get even more close-up and everything becomes just a jumble of fast.moving colours. At the end of the film I'm completely confused and can't even talk, except to say nothing's as I remembered it. Back home joanna phones, as I'd asked her to, but I can't say anything to her for the life of me.

3-4.6.87
Billie's Joke.
I'm visiting Billie and she tells me she saw some bloke last night who called late at night and said "Knock knock". She said "Who's there?" - "Sheet" - "Sheet who?" upon which he reached in through the window and pulled the sheet off her bed, pulled it through the window and into the garden. She thinks this is really funny but I find it all puerile and feel bad about the whole thing.

4-5.6.87
Moroccan Market.
I'm in a market in Morocco. It's sunny and everyone's smiling. I'm thirsty. Someone says "Have this! It'll take your thirst away" I don't know what I'm being offered. It looks like a small walnut. I take it from its wicker basket and eat it but don't believe it'll work. Still thirsty, I look for a drink but can't find anything except a stall run by English people who are selling milk in Sainsbury's cartons at 43p a pint. I think it's a bit steep, but I buy a pint in a carton then realise I'm not thirsty any more.

 

 

1986

20-21.2.86
Scotland
I'm in Scotland with some friends, half way up a hill. I leave them to go to the top of the hill alone. Over the peak I come across an old house with a sloping garden. There is some washing on a washing line. Everything seems to face upwards.

18-19.3.86
Wrong Train
I'm on a train. It's a sunny day. We're supposed to stop at Manchester Picadilly, but we don't. A few other passengers join me in my surprise as we go past the paltform without stopping. We all become more animated in our displeasure when we are told it won't stop before Glasgow. I had previously resigned myself to a pleasant ride up to Carlisle or Oxenholme, but this information changes things.

29-30.4.86
Patrick
We're in a hall (like a scout hut) about to play a game of football, but Patrick doesn't want to play, so I persuade him by pretending to be a quiz show host, pulling back a curtain to reveal the fabulous prizes he could win, which makes him laugh.

3-4.5.86
Vivienne
A simple memory; making love to Vivienne in the morning. Extremely erotic.

10-11.5.86
Nazis
I'm at the cinema with a gorgeous French girl but the film is really sick. The first scene shows Jews with no arms or legs rolling around on a slightly sloping lawn. The Nazis have done this to them but the odd thing is they only look slightly cheesed off about it. I make a conscious decision to wake up because it's Sunday, and time for football.

20-21.5.86
The White Van
(excerpt from a complex dream); 2 of us are chasing after someone and we find our way blocked off by an obnoxious friend of this person, who blocks the road (of a middle class estate) with his white Bedford van. I climb on the roof to shout things at him. He's a white South African, apparently, notorious for maltreating blacks.

10-11.6.86
Football on TV
We're watching football in a basement room where I live and a guy is asking if he can stay for the night. Everything is confused, arrangements going on all around me, but I only want to concentrate on the TV.

13-14.7.86
Bike Muggers
I'm on my bike, cycling down Divinity Rd. A gang of youths is waiting for me at the bottom. The latest craze is picking up cyclists, with their bikes, and throwing them into the road. They try to do this to me but I fight them off and escape.

11-12.7.86
Back to School
I'm about to play football for the school team (in yellow! We're playing against a team in pink!) I get changed and come out of the changing rooms but can't find the bogs as everything's changed since I was at school. I run off up the road to the pitches and the match starts. Our forward scores a Diego maradona-type goal to put us in front.

20-21.8.86
Confusion in France
I'm in an old castle in France where a film is being shot and I'm something to do with it. A girl (Ruth, from Fleet Jazz) gives me an 18th century map of France but I lose it. I also lose my shoes and my tain ticket gets losked in a room I haven't got a key for. I remember panicking and running, hopelessly, feeling stuck in this terrible situation with no way of getting to my train in time.

18-19.9.86.
Bulgaria.
I'm walking down a road in Bulgaria. It's sunny and there are concrete buildings everywhere. I meet Phil Gallagher and Tracy and a Bulgarian friend of theirs. We want to go swimming so we get on a bus. It takes ages to get to where I've just come from (and I remark on this). We all get out when we arrive at the building which I know because I'd played football in it the day before. Phil and I get undressed and have a shower. Nothing seems to be happening d¡so I have ab¡nother shower and ask why their friend won't have one.
"He wants to work in a circus" Phil 'explains' "and it's bad for him if soap gets in his eyes."

27-28.9.86
Spurs V Chelsea.
I go to see Spurs play Chelsea and I'm wandering around medieval parts of London expecting to see the ground at any moment but it bnnever appears so I go with some other people and end up watching a play in Russian in a church at the top of a hill. I'm with a girl and I start kissing and fondling her. I get carried away with passion but remember where I am just in time and watch the rest of the first act. At the interval the girl leaves. The play is part of some cermonial bullshit occasion. I try to find someone to tlak to but there seem to be mostly Germans.

8-9.10.86
In Prison with Jesse James.
I'm in a prison cell and Jesse James is in the next cell along. After we've played a bit of music a woman is brought in and we settle down for the night. There's a lot of moving around but no sex and a lot of joking, and in the morning she's gone. I go out through Jesse james' cell to the entrance where the girl is being interviewed by the sheriff. He's asking her why she killed all those people. I dash back to Jesse James and say "Hey, that girl's killed loads of people and they put her in a cell to sleep with me."
"Never mind that" he says and we strike up some more music on the guitar and banjo so we can forget about her.

Approx.9.11.86.
Two Nightmares from Bolton.
1) I'm in the back room of the Bullingdon Arms playing my violin. It's dark and noisy and crowded. Mark Fitzgerald is there and we stumble drunkenly over each other. There's a loud roar like something going up in flames and sounds of general panic. "What's going on?" someone shouts and someone else shouts back "War's broken out!". I see smoke and confusion and wake up.
(There appears to be smoke in the bedroom and I have to switch the light on to assure myself there isn't. It's 3 a.m.)

2) I'm in Mexico with some other people. I plan to steal a dog from a rich family in a large house. The plan backfires and we end up in jail. I think I'll be ther forever but they letme out after a few hours. It's not as horrific as I fear. That evening, back in the U.S.A. I sing a song about my experiences.

8-9.4.86
Sapphire Blue Car
A very flash blue car, low and shiny, sapphire blue, which I drive entirely by pedals at my feet and in which I'm going to Glasgow via Stonehenge (which, in the dream, is near Newcastle). I stop and get out, walk back down a hill into town, find a college, ask unhelpful directions, get in the car, go back over a bridge, drive through files of schoolgirls on either side of the road, who throw stones at me as I go through, and stop at a concrete hut, which is where I'm staying for the night. The girl I'm with gets pissed off with me and leaves. I go out to collect logs in the evening sunlight and bring them back into the hut. I get my 2 teddy bears off my bunk bed and put them on a glass shelf, then settle doen to sleep.

4-5.12.86
In a Bus.
I'm in a house I've broken into for the night. It's part of a garage and my bus is in the forecourt.Whoever drove me here has gone. I feel safe. I make myself at home and get some sleep. At 2 a.m. I get up and try to drive the bus on further towards wherever I'm going. I switch the light on and put on my coat. I see a flashlight outside. Someone is coming.
(Andy Hodges phones me and I wake up).

14-15.12.86
Hotel room shooting
Jo decides she wants to sleep with me again and hires out a hotel room. There's some mix-up with the room numbers. A shooting occurs so I go out. Walking along a small High Street I hear more commotion and go down some stone steps to investigate. A gang of people pass by me. I expect tog et beaten up but there's no trouble.

14-15.12.86
Exciting Match.
I'm at a riotous football match. Chelsea are playing a team which is mostly Liverpool but sometimes Spurs or Arsenal. Chelsea keep going in front and 'Liverpool' equalise, then their keeper stands outside the penalty area with the ball. I scream for a free kick and the ref gives it. We score to go 5-4 ahead, with all the goals in the last 15 minutes. There are only 2 or 3 minutes left. Can we hang on?
This is where I woke up.

 

 

1985

9-10.3.85
Suzy Through a Window
Hundreds of men are trying to lift a wrecked ship out of the water on their backs. I'm waiting at the side of the pool they're in with some other people, under the command of one of them (Alan, from Farmoor, I think) who gives the order for us all to stone the workers, which we do with rocks anmd slings, etc. (That was fun). Then we're all transferred to a posh room, sitting round a coffee table. Suzy, Helen and John from Divinity Rd are there and are all about to leave, leaving me and Alan alone. I want to go with them but am persuaded to stay for a gam,e of something or other. I'm going to France for 3 weeks the day after and I want to see Suzy, who I watch out of the window as she walks off down a path. 'Is that a new building?' I ask my host, to give some justification to my looking out of the window. But the building, although modern, is obviously not new. I see Suzy playing with someone's hair as she walks along. I think it's John's, but it turns out to be Helen's, which seems to make it O.K.

20-21.5.85
Is the the Dream of a Sane Man?
Erica is lying on a bed and asks me over to her. I try to kiss her but she tries to make herself sick over me. We are in a strange bungalow lying on someone else's double bed.

7-8.6.85
Everything is Illegal
I take an empty can to a garage because my motorbike has run out of petrol, and fill it up. I pay for it via some automatic machine then someone runs out of the garaghe and tells me it's illegal to put petrol in a can and not in a tank. I give the petrol back and walk to a friend's house (Lofty, for some reason). He lives way out in the country and it's getting dark. We have a journeyt to make and I suggest we walk to the train station, taking something to smoke with us. Lofty isn't into it so I suggest we roll a few joints so we can throwe them away if we''e hassled.

26-27.7.85
A Bad Move
I move into Pete's house, intending to live there but Ewan sneers at me all the time and his young brother keeps passing racist comments. I decide to move back to Cowley Rd but as I lean aginst a kitchen unit ready to leave, his teenage sister enters and leans on me. We have sex on the table very quickly and then I wake up.

31/7-1/8.85
Jo and Nick in Cornwall
I go to visit Nick North in Newquay, where he's living with Joanna (Solan!) as her lover. 20 minutes before I'm due to catch the last bus back to London (at 11 p.m.) I decide to sleep with her, and she's into the idea. To get into the bedroom I have to hoist myself up through a hatch. Jo's already in bed but there isn't time so I grab all my stuff and run full pelt towards the town centre. There's nothing but a country road. At a junction an old man directs me to an old castle (like Lismore) but I get lost so I go back to stay at Nick and Jo's place.

14-15.8.85
Erica Still With Me
I leave a hall of residence-type building with Moira (?), James Newcombe and Erica. We walk over the hills (the way I used to go in Bolton, around the quarry and back down past the Recreation ground). We go into someone's garden when we're nearly home and are confronted with a fat, friendly bloke who'sd standing there among his plants. He gives us all some seeds to take away. They are, he tells us, 'moonweed seeds.'

18-19.9.85
I'm booked to play at the Oxford Improvisers' Co-op with Andy Hodges and Rod Poole. Rod forms another band and so does Andy, leaving me with no one to play with. I am exceedingly pissed-off and make a speech to Andy to this efffect.

23-24.9.85
Middle-aged Normals
I'm visiting a middle-aged couple for some reason. They keep asking about Bolton things (Ron Hill, John Linacre, my grandma, etc) and I keep nipping out to play tennis, football and things, except that there's no one to play with. In the end I resort to drawing in coloured chalks on the dinner table as we eat.

21-22.10.85
The Bosphorus
I go on holiday to Turkey and am shown the Bosphorus, a huge expanse of water with concrete banks. I swim out into it in a straight line and then spend a lot of time underwater.

 

 

1984

4-5.1.84
Batwing and Peanut Sandwiches
I've just moved house to a wood near Theale (a small, cubic, glass establishment) with Phil Gallagher and Tracy (?) We go for a ride on a bus to see the new area (we are in Bath now, somehow). On the bus they are filming some kids' TV programme and I volunteer to speak on it (about coke!). The bus driver is young and friendly but refuses to le tme be filmed, telling me instead how to be friendly to the local constabulary. 'You can't refuse to let them into your house if you've talked to them once'. For some reason Gerard, who is now with us, does and impression of a Bernis Kliban drawing of a woman eating a batwing and peanut sandwich which, we are told, is the local fare.

6-7.1.84
Playing for Chelsea
The dream I've always hoped for: 2nd division match, Saturday afternoon, Chelsea are shortof players. John Neal picks someone out of the corwd and I say 'Don't pick him, he's no good. I'll play!' so I have to justify myself. I score the first goal!!!!! (against Shrewsbury Town, admittedly), then it's 1-1, then 2-1 for Chelsea, 2-2, 3-2 for Chelsea and I score again to make it 4-2. Ecstasy!

8-9.1.84
Bit Part Actors
I queue up to become registeres as a BBC actor in Oxford. A girl I know is turned down because she's only 19 years old and is very upset. I meet Erica in the canteen (very reminiscent of Reading Uni Students' Union) and tell her. She's very sympathetic to the girl (a friend of hers). I reflect on how life is always cruellest to those who least deserve it.

23-24.3.84
Family Holiday
Our family are ready to go on holiday, but I've forgotten my sleeping bag so I dash back in the house, find it and run out to the car, which is still waiting (it0s the old, light blue Ford Cortina). Then I realise I've forgotten something 'very important' which I go in to find. Once in the house again, )I forget what I'm looking for and spend ages frantically trying to find it. I don't, however, and when I go outside to ask the others to wait a bit longer, I find the car has already driven off.

26-27.3.84
Florida Shopper
I'm walking down a dark street (after some activity in a house which I can't remember) when we pass a theatre in which my play, the Uninteresting Object, has just been performed. I point out a model, which is illuminated in the window ('Florida Shopper', like the one in the Tate) I tell my companion that this model was the very one used in the end of the play (?)

March '84
India
I'm in a village (in England?) but as I walk down a grassy street I see a sign saying 'Bombay' and I'm shocked and thrilled to suddenly be in India, but I step back over the 'boundary', deciding that I will have abetter chance to explore that alluring alley at a later date.

7-8.4.84
Cheese and Biscuits and a Ram
Erica and I are walking thorugh a field of sheep and I notice one of thyem is a ram about to charge, so we step over a barbed-wire fence. There is only a little grass there, then a steep drop over a cliff. The ram has run up to the fence; it's a cartoonish affair, like an Alsatian dog with sharp teeth, a very long snout, horns and a woolen coat, and hooves. I feed it with cheese and biscuits, because I can't think what else to do. The sun is shining brightly on the white cliffs.

15-16.4.84
Rotted Giraffe
Colin drives me in his van to an estate in Cowley. We go out somewhere and when I return Colin has gone and a giraffe has wedged its head through the window and been sick in the driving seat. Then it had died and is starting to rot. How do I get home? I wonder to myself
Mike Evans called round the next day on the run from Littlemore and started going on about a giraffe.

15-16.4.84
A Putative Affair
I'min a girl's bedroom (she looks like Anna, who used to live in Oxford) and I'm about to leave when she saus 'We could have an affair, or something' I say 'What? Now?' and she says yes, so I go off to the bathroom to make myself respectable and it takes ages and ages. Colin keeps coming in and asking me how long I'm going to be. I take so long that the dream ends before I have a chance to do anything.

14-15.5.84
A Motorbicycle.
I'm taking Debbie Yapp into town on a motorbike. She goes into a dressing-room to take off the costume (?) she was wearing and comes outside again. She gets on the back of the motorbike and I say 'We can't set off like this. You've got no clothes on, and anyway I've only ridden this thing once before'. We have sex on the pavement instead.

20-21.5.84
Follow My Leader
On a barge holiday we decide to play Follow-my-leader along the bank and elect a large-ish black dog as our 'leader'. It's a sunny day and we come across some children playing ball games and Ring-a-ring-o'-roses. The dog joins in happily, so we all follow suit and play till evening, having a great time.

23-24.5.84
Stranger in the Kitchen
I'm sitting in the kitchen with 4 or 5 friends and one old-ish man who we don't know and who is walking around the place looking in cupboards and making us feel uneasy. 'Hurry up with that joint' he says. This amuses the others, perhaps out of relief that he smokes dope at least, but it pises me off and I tell him to get out. He starts cowering and I start slapping him round thye face. 'It's just like having a woman, this' he says 'You slap her around before dinner, then she slaps you around afterwards.'

July '84
Busted in Denmark
I am busted somehow by the Danish police. They ask me to report to the station to be searched. I get rid of all my gear then turn up for the search, but they say 'It's O.K. Don't bother' and send me off home again.

July '84
Video Nasties
1) I'm on the ferry from Holland to Harwich (as I was, in fact, trying to get to sleep) A video nasty is being shown on a screen and I don't want to watch it. I try to go away, but everywhere I look there is a large square screen beaming the horror film out.
2) I possess a cartridge tape of a video nasty which I want to play. I also possess a small machine to play it on but can't get the machine to work no matter what I do. I find this more and more frustrating.

28-29.7.84
Cocaine
After watching Chelsea win 3-2 at Arsenal in the first game of the season (i.e. a few weeks from now) I go to a party to celebrate. There are a lot of people there. For some reason I go to a public phone box with someone else, but the phone has been ripped out. I notice a panel b ehind it, open it up and see a small compartment with 2 small brown paper bags in it. I taste it. It's either speed or coke. Without stopping to look in the other bag I put the first bag in my pocket and say 'Let's move' then return quickly with my new-found stash to the party, which has become even more crowded.

27.8.84
Stamford in Lewisham
I set off from Lewisham on the train to watch Chelsea. It's a sunny day, slow train, high track, lots of trees down in the sun-speckled woods. I see Stamford the Lion, the CFC mascot, strolling along on his way to the game.

29-30.8.84
Leisa Yet Again
I'm in aroom with some friends when we decide to raid the room downstairs. I don't know what this means exactly, but I go down one way (the others go another way) and arrive at a door. I go inside and am surprised to find Leisa and Pete Winterbotham asleep together on a 4-poster bed. Leisa begins to look like Erica.

4-5.9.84
Medical Students
I'm climbing the spiral staircase of a huge gaunt circular tower which seems to serve as a hall of residence for medical students. I ask 2 attractive girls how many floors there are. No reply. I ask again. No reply. 'Innumerable, then?' I say and they laugh. 'Why not come and sit with us on the bench at the bottom of the staircase?' they ask me. I ponder this.
Next, I find myself in the dungeon of a tower where Andy Hodges is about to re-create a surgical operation performed by an ancient Japanese surgeon. It involves slitting the skin of an oriental lady's face from forehead to chin in a vertical line and peeling it back in order to do what the next step is. I watch for a moment but decide to leave before he begins the task which I consider a trifle gruesome.

17-18.9.84
Sex on Ice
I take a girl (Leisa?) into a garden and make love to her, but the ground is icy and muddy so we go into a bedroom indoors. Another girl, also dark-haired, wants to sleep with me and says she'll kill me if she can't join in. She re-enters the room a few seconds later with a gun, which she points at me. I wake up frightened.

18-19.9.84
Man Utd
I go to Old Trafford to watch Chelsea but the match (I think) has already started. Then I notice a woman playing. She shoots just over the bar into the end I've just got into (not the Stretford End) and I realise it's only an exhibition match. When it's over, a voice announces that the match with Chelsea will be played in another stadium, so we all have to go out and get onto buses and go acoss Manchester to see it.

28-29.9.84
Two Dreams about Bed
1) My hearing is very bad. I lie in bed in my room in Oxford and realise that all my senses are gradually failing. I fall out of bed and can't hear myself hit the floor. A very un-nerving dream.
2) I'm in bed with a couple who are making love, and I sort of join in, like.... Like you would. Then the girl starts behaving like Erica (and her 'unique horn') and it makes me feel sad that it isn't really her.

21-22.9.84
Luton v Chelsea
(An 'alarm-clock dream') I'm going to watch Chelsea at Luton (setting out from Liverpool, for some reason) and we arrive at the station just in time for a train (which looks like a tube train) which is going to Dunstable. When we reach the first stop, we're told we're going 'the wrong way' ('this train'll take you into Liverpool') so we have to get off, about turn and it feels like we're going to miss the match, but I don't know about that, 'cause I wake up (not in time to catch the bus for the real match, though)

 

 

1983

2-3.1.83
The Stream and the Train
I am in Poland, walking by the side of a river with Erica, at night. We go down frosty, cobbled streets until we reach the banks, then I ask her which way to go. She says 'turn right' and we do, then sit down on a narrow part of the bank. It grows dark quickly and the stream starts to ice over. I excuse myself in order to go for a slash and wonder where to go. I walk down to the station where a train is standing at the platform and nip into it to use the toilet (in First Class). I hope it doesn't leave before I've done. When I have, I leap off the train at the end of the platform and realise that I have to have a ticket in order to get out. I can see the guard's flag in his hand, where he's hiding in a passenger shelter waiting for me. I sprint past him, shouting 'Bastard' as I do so, but something makes me turn around. I see that he's a strong, swarthy, round-faced man with a bristly beard and realise that he is the devil.

3-4.1.83
The Town Hall
I am the head of a delegation from a housing estate campaigning for fair rents. We march to the town hall, which is occupied by the Pope, and prepare to batter down the doors. As we get ready we are stopped by a gang of black men who, it turns out, are there on a similar mission. Together we break down the doors and find ourselves in the town hall, but there is nobody around. Just long stretches of white, tiled corridors with polished, brown floors.

18-19.1.83
The Valley
I am walking through a halcyon valley with my brother on a bright day. We decide to return home through the park. A rocky crag bars our way. I attempt to climb it but Keith finds a path and we go up that way isntead.

19-20.1.83
Leisa
I am in London with Leisa in a flat and she's being suggestive in subtle ways. We go out into the streets and I lose sight of her. I see her go into a tube station (though it is night, the lights give off a bright kind of daylight). I get on the tube and realise that she did not, so I get off 2 stops down the line and she's there again. We go to another flat and Martin, who is obviously her boyfriend, is there. Some head games are played. Leisa spends most of her time alone with me in a room but there are no further developments to speak of.

6-7.2.83
House Hunting
I'm looking for a hosue with Anne Parmeter in a small town south of Reading. The estate agent lets us try one out by having a party there and the party turns out very well. Then we walk under a flyover to another, better house. But the people there say they have the house till November and they're not moving. It is full of video equipment (they pronounce it 'wideo') and this represents their only asset. They set the cat on me so I'll go but I manage to kick it away from me before I get out of the door. On the landing I sit and contemplate my next strategy.

11-12.2.83
Casper Gaspard
A very bizarre dream. I've run away from home and hitch a lift. The driver looks like a policeman and asks me for my name and for a receipt. I refuse to sign the blank piece of paper, though I think of putting the name Casper Gaspard. He tells me he IS a policeman and then talks about the killing of a Nazi murderer in an insane asylum, admitting that he was the killer as he puts his arm around me. I quickly take a book from the dashboard to read. It shows 'stills from Steven Spielberg films' though thyey look more like abstratc paintings.

2-3.3.83
Africa
I'm on my way to Poland on a train that has no track. I realise I haven't got a visa so I get off. Someone tells me we are in Africa, which is borne out by the fact we can see a herd of elephants in a field. I stay in a bourgaouis-looking house for a few hours getting impatient, then go down to the sea and try to work out which way England is so I can get back in time for Chelsea's match at Charlton. Eventually, depsite the reluctance of others, I find myself near London in a house with James Newcombe. I am pinning badges to the pyjama top I'm wearing when he comes galloping downstairs. I ask if he's coming to the match. He says no and takes the pillow back upstairs with him.

27-28.3.83
The Sharp-toothed Girl
I'm at an orgy with Frank Trundle. He starts screwing a girl. There's only one other girl in the room. I take hold of her. She's surprised that I want to have sex with her in the same room as the others. It's all the same to me and I don't really want to sleep with her anyway. When we kiss, her teeth turn out to be very sharp and her tongue tastes bitter. Her body is all together too 'taut'.

8-9.4.83
Theale Versus Chelsea
I go to watch Chelsea in the FA Cup at Theale. I arrive in Newbury to find that the tain doesn't get to Theale until 3.20. I met the guy from Oldham who didn't know the match was on.

16-17.4.83
Promiscuity
Leisa and I had been talking about sex. She said she hadn't known many men and people weren't so promiscuous these days. I said that James had one woman every 15 minutes. She said she wished she were more promiscuous and would I help to put things right. James woke me up as we were about to walk away together. (The night before I'd listened to 'Dear Mr Palestrino' until 4.00 a.m. and had been thinking a lot about sex)

17-18.4.83
The Junction
I go for a walk down London Rd (Reading) to the junction and become aware that everything is grey and some of the buildings have disappeared. London Rd looks bleak and deserted but I can hear people laughing so I turn round to go back home. I realise there aren't even any traffic lights so I take off my glasses and the colour returns to things (especially the traffic lights). Then I meet Mike Day who shows me a drawing he has done in pencil:

Lots of paisley motifs Lots of paisley motifs

An owl A swing with lots of paisley motifs A cat

21-22.4.83
Death
Joanna is curled up in a bed in a room, crying and very upset. This upsets me too and I kneel down by the bed. I am urged, meanwhile, to follow a shifty-looking plain-clothes policeman into the next room, wheich is an empty theatre where he is trying to shoot a criminal. One minute I'm with the criminal, the next with a policeman. One minute I'm being assailed by a sword, the next by a gun. I know my life is in danger.
A disturbing dream, not least in view of the discussion I'd had with Sarah about Joanna (I was in Sarah's bed when I dreamed it).

7-9.3.83
Fevered Dreams
1) I arrive in Manchester 20 years in the future to find a futuristic concrete skyscape nicely decked out with trees and greenery. I decide to visit Old Trafford but get off at the wrong stop on the 'skyrail'. When I eventually get there I have a huge argument with a ticket-collector about my fare, just like on ordinary British Rail.
2) Rachel calls for me but she's cut off most of her hair and looks extremely plain. I think she wants a game of tennis or something but I can't get over what she looks like. (I went to see the real Rachel 2 days later and she was her real, ravishing self, thank goodness)

21-22.5.83
Me and Richard in London
Richard and I walk down into London from Andy's (in Finchley) along a canal. Eventually, after stopping under bridges for joints en route, we go into a café where we order some tea. 2 girls start trying to attract us. One lays her haad on my shoulder. In the end we decide they're too stupid to bother with. Next thing I know I'm outside a room. Phil Gallagher is inside and Tracy is with me and we are talking.

23-4.5.83
Pictures
I move into a house in London which has very large rooms. I move some paintings into my room before anything else but they keep slipping off their hooks. This worries me and I tell Andy. Outside, meanwhile, a girl rides a horse round the corner into the street and is confronted by 2 highwaymen.

2-3.6.83
In Prison
I was in prison, sitting in front of a row of cells, drinking a large glass of lemonade. On my right are steep amphiotheatrical steps leading down to the prison bar (!) and in front of me glass doors, and all sorts of weirdoes in the cells. I walk out through the doors with 2 other people.

8-9.6.83
I am walking by the side of the canal with James Newcombe. It's dark and he's got no clothes on. We approach King's Bridge. 3 rastas stop and shout something. I'm not sure if they're friendly or hostile, but they move along anyway. When we're on the road there is heavy traffic and I'm escorting a friend who is drunk. He falls down between the bus and traffic lanes and a bus nearly runs him over as he lies there. Everything is dark, noisy and confused.

22-23.6.83
The Van
I am walking over a road roundabout to a garage where Jack is working. Someone else calls to him 'Gallagher!.... Martin!' then someone else shouts it so I follow suit. When I get there I climb in the back of a van that's parked among others. There's a policeman inside and I have some dope in my pocket but I chat away afably for a few minutes then casually get out and make my way home.

25-26.6.83
The Hooligan
I'm standing on some erracing in a small niche among a large crowd. People keep trying to squeeze in next to me but then they stop and I see some heavies coming, so I move. One of the Heavies is a British Movement goon and he starts calling the police 'useless bastards' then he goes away. He comes back straight away and starts crying. The police take him away.

27-28.6.83
Another Bust
Mark Ellis is smoking a joint in a room full of people. I know ther's a copper outside and I go over to tell him, but he comes to sit by me and Pete Winterbotham and passes me the joint. The copper comes in and arrests us. We go down to the station, all totally unruffled, taking it in our stride. Next thing, I'm at a football match, Bolton Wanderers v Bury, where there's a large crowd. I remark upon this fact to a neighbour.

4-5.7.83
Vivid Dream
Can't remember much, but it woke me up feeling scared. It was a sort of double-dream in which the first half prophesied what would happen in the second. It involved a car and people and for some reason the fulfilling of the prophecy was horrific. This nightmare occurred on my first night in Oxford.

10-11.7.83
Stockhausen's son
I am in Newquay, trying to get out to the place where Kevin Bates lives (as if). I stop a taxi. The driver is weird. We go to his house. I take ages getting my gear together before setting off again (I have a guitar, violin, music, books, etc) I find myself walking along the seafront. I stop and go into a house with an open front. Kev is there. He tells me Stockhausen is due later on and that his son will give a recital. I say I would love to stick around but have to go. Stockhausen's son is sleeping as I leave, in perparation for the performance. In the house where I'm staying there are loads of girls I've had sexual flirtations with in the past.

17-18.7.83
Donlan's New Car
After travelling through some bizarre railway/underground stations, Donlan, who is wanted by the police, decides to buy a car. As we are riding along in it I skin up a joint then accidentally pull the back door off. (Donlan is in the back too. My mum is in the front. I don't know who's driving). I find this all very funny. (Some of the scenes in the dream are reminiscent of the 3rd Man which I saw recently. I also had a letter from Donlan)

12-12.8.83
An Argument
I have a huge argument with my mother. She objects to a new 'pro-drugs, pro-Bohemia' record that I've bought, with a black and white cover (like 'Residue') She puts the arm of the record-player on it with no needle so it scratches. I go berserk. She leaves the room. I shout after her repeatedly 'All this needn't have happened!' She reappears with a pari of scissors.

July 1983, Vienna
Two Dreams in One Night
1) A soldier with his pet dog is being bullied by 2 other soldiers who eventually kill the dog. They leave the soldier in a room with 2 puppies, which they shoot from behyind the door. He shouts 'Have you no respect for life?' He is in tears. The other return and beat him up.
2) Soldiers are standing guard in front of a shop. An advert in the window annoys them so they smash the window with the butts of their rifles. The sergeant arrives and admonishes them: 'No! We must present a respectable image to the public!'

11-12.8.83
Cruelty Games with Vienna
I've just opened a shop in Oxford. A lot of people turn up for an opening party. One bloke tries to walk off with an expensive set of plates. I tell him I can't allow this. If I give them away I might as well give everything away, and then the whole idea wouldn't work. He still wants to take it. I say I'll phone the police (on a push button phone. I don't know the number. A girl tells me it) He goes off on his motorcycle. We sit in an uneasy silence expecting him to return. He does so eventually with a girl namd Vienna, with whom I am to play some 'Cruelty Games'. I say I don't want to but they ask me to come for a walk. To show that I'm not afraid (though I AM afraid) I accept. As we walk through the sunny streets I just catch sight of a horse (the bare muscle and flesh) climbing back into its skin which is standing upright, still harnessed to a carriage. The bloke talks about how animals can be tortured by having their livers pulled out.. 'and humans too...' (The dark-haired Vienna says nothing, but smiles)
'But not' I reply 'in a country lane in Oxford' – 'Oh no?' he says and they both grab hold of me. I am petrified, but struggle free, run as fast as possible down the sunny gravel of the lane lined with idyllic hedgerows, scared to death, I keep on running and running till I wake up.

19-20.9.83
Man Utd v Chelsea.
I go to see Man U v Cheslea. There's lots of fighting, even between supporters of the same team. I go down underground to the ticket office. I am the only customer. I recognise the ticket seller who is firstly Frank Trundle, then Steven Crompton, then John and Janette. Waiting for the match to kick off I get very nervous. The seat prices are much lower than I expect. I didn't know Chelsea were playi ng till a few hours before.

5-6.11.83
Tramps
I am walking through a city (Edinburgh?) with 1 or 2 other people, at one point bumping into the football commentator Brian Moore and discussing football with him. I go into a public toilet with a cup of hot chocolate, set it down and wash my face. Thwere are 4 tramps talking and one asks me the time. I tell him. 'Let me see it with my own starry eyes' he says. I take a few seconds to realise that he wants to see the watch face. I show it to him, thinking he may want to steal the watch, then I go outside, forgetting the hot chocolate and leaving it un-drunk.

 

 

1982

25-26.3.82
The Mongoose.
I'm a slave/servant in a household with large gardens. The house owns a mongoose called Rikki Tikki Tavi who escapes. I'm sent after him and chase him through a garden which is mostly scabby trees and shrubland. I've escaped myself by the time I find him and weep with emotion asI carry the mongoose away with me. Small boys and girls laugh at me becauwe I'm crying like I've just seen a sad film. I find Mark Backett and tell him the good news about our escape. Two places in the dream are recognisble : part of the garden is near the infant school where Kev had his wedding reception and the small children are in Ruins Lane where keve Bates lived.

29.3.82
The Seance.
I'm 'MC' at a seance. We think we've contacted a spirit because there's a strange whining sound then a click which we all hear but ignore. Then there's a second click which sounds like something hitting the window. This petrifies us and I wake up.
The SFX of this dream are attributable to the whining and clicking of a tape I'd left on and fallen asleep to.

15-16.4.82
The Water Rat.
I'm sitting on a plank which goes across a stream and a water rat (which I'm waiting for) comes out of the water. I wonder if it's the right one. I let it nibble at my finger, scared that it will bite it off, but it doesn't. The water rat dives back into the stream and I go inside and turn on the radio. The reception is bad. I look out of the window (the view frome the back upstairs window of my hosue in Bolton) and the sky is flickering.

16-17.4.82
Chelsea V Oldham.
I'm watching Chelsea v Oldham. Chelsea are winning 2-1 and they bring on a black player as a substitute. The crowd jeer and I find myself commentating for a radio station. The black guy pushes one of the opposition players in the penalty area but the referee deliberately ignores it. In my commentary I don't mention that the crowd are jeering and I say the obvious push was accidental, sympathising with him in the same way as the ref.
Most of this was a re-run of C.Palace 0 Chelsea 1 which I saw last Monday. Paul Canoville made his debut for Chelsea.

18-19.4.82
Amsterdam.
I'm in Amsterdam, wandering around, and I buy a ticket for a Led Zeppelin concert that evening, then Anne Parmeter and Pete Winterbotham bump into me. She says she's going back to Reading that afternoon and I say I'm going back after the concert. She and Pete get lost in the crowd. I begin to wish I'd gone with them and think about selling my ticket. As I walk back to the theatre I see a row ofpolicemen stood in a ring around someone. It turns out to be a motorcyclist who's had an accident. The police are questioning him as if he is a criminal. I watch with the crowd for a minute before deciding to move on. By now I'm wishing I'd accepted the lift home because I know I won't like the concert anyway.

26-27.4.82
The Spitfire.
I'm watching a film and the last scene is a woman trying to escape from a runaway car down a snowy slope. It crashes into some trees at the bottom along with a Spitfire that appears from nowhere. Back in my living room I hear someone remark that the sky is streaked pink and yellow. I tell them "That's what colour it should be when a Spitfire crashes.!

28-29.4.82
The Knife.
I'm watching a play fight between Carolyn and Joanna, thinking it's only a game and laughing, but suddenly there's a knife and Carolyn stabs Joanna to death. I remember a change of emotion here, but nothing more than surprise.
More briefly, I dreamt I got bad marks in my philosophy exam. (I got a 2.1)

4-5.5.82
The Russian Horror Film.
A gothis, bright red horror film in which Joanna plays a witch with red wings. Very complicated, unremembered plot. No explanation. A castle with red flags flying. Snow, light and air.

9-10.5.82.
The Football Match.
I'm playing football on the park. After the match I talk to one of the opposition, who's a bit of a yob and supports Liverpool. I tone down my admiration for Chelsea and talk about how good Liverpool are instead. We walk off to the pub for a drink.
Lots of football memories mixed up, from yesterday's game right back to being 10 and playing football on the rec. in Harwood and on our old Harwood Academicals pitch at St. Anne's.

13-14.5.82
Exercises.
I go round to Pete L's house and everybody is doing exercises. I go downstairs to fetch a paper and when I come back upstairs Laurence is there. After some debate, we all go off to do different things. Me and Pete L. and Graham all end up going for a ride on a big dipper. It's indoors and hasn't got a roof. It feels dangerous but we all get off safely in the end.

17-18.5.82
The Table Football Match.
I'm playing a table football match against Paul Donlan. I'm Ipswich Town and he's Barcelona. It seems to be very important. I'm always one in the lead. (He equalises, I score again). His team's blue and red shirts are dazzlingly bright. I comment on the ease with which I score the winning goal. The final score is 7-6.
Paul had rung me earlier that evening (for the first time in ages?)

22-23.5.82
The Capsule.
I'm on board a spaceship in a large, bare, grey, metallic room with Angela (Patrick's ex?). She has a capsule like this (see drawing) which she says is a heat bomb. I don't believe her. She tells me the next star is x light years away and throws the capsuleout of the window. Then we begin to talk. Four hours later the conversation is still going on when the whole sky is lit up silently by a pink/purple flash. She tells me this is the star exploding. I am impressed. In the next 'scene' we're noth back on earth making a psychology film of some sort. I begin to think the spaceship episode was part of the film.

24-25.5.82
Woodlice and Football.
I'm standing on a plank attached to a wall, six feet or so away from another bloke in a similar situation. We're being asked questions about football and I'm answering them. A piece of rotten wood falls away from the wall between us and 'woodlice' crawl out, though they look more like spiders or scorpions. I'm afraid of them. My brother appears beneath us and picks one of them up. "He may be all right at football" he says, referring to be "but watch this" and he waves it at me. I fall off the plank.
Last night I also dreamed that Mark beckett went on a round theworld tour but was back just 2 weeks later, which was a source of some surprise for me.

2-3.6.82
5-a-side and Boating.
We're entering a 5-a-side competition in 20 minutes but we still haven't got a team together. We're sitting around in a room (like my parents' bedroom in Bolton) and I ask for volunteers. Five people volunteer, then I get on a bus which goes a long way round to the university, get off and discover that the match isn't till 5.55, but we do have another one before then.
Later on I'm sitting by the side of the Thames with Mark Beckett and another Mark backett is on the bank with a memberof the baot club. MB No1and me are preparing to do a pin. MB No2 and his friend are preparing to do some sport which involves launching oneself out in the boat very fast and taking a photogrph of it. They make some comment and I make a joke about it which only me and the two mark Backetts get.
I dreamed this just before MB started going schizophrenic. Scary, or what?

4-5.6.82
The Boat Club Dinner.
I'm wandering round Redlands Road with a friend (Paul? Mark?) and we decide to trespass in the University (London Rd. site). We notice posh people beginning to arrive and folow them into a banqueting hall where we sit down. For some reason I expect to see Philip Gallagher and Mandy Beddows (Head Boy adn Girl at Canon Slade). After dinner everyone goes out except for us two and Jo, who is also there, and another girl. A good record is playing in the other room and I want to hear it so I prop the two adjoining doors open, but Jo keeps making a draught, which I get fed up of, so I petulantly close them after a while and sit in the other room wherre the record player is. A girl comes in. I want to be attacted to her, but I'm not. I go outside and find myself in the start of a marathon race. I run it, just to appear part of the crowd and not stand out. I win it. "Two hours and fourteen minutes" someone announces as I cross the line. I don't know if that's good or bad but it turns out to be a world record. It doesn't mean much to me but, for appearance's sake, I throw myself jubilantly into the arms of a man wearing a dinner jacket.

10-11.6.82
After the Event.
Jo and I are walking by the side of the East Lancs. Road and it's nearly night. We sit down to watch the sun descend through the rain clouds and set over an explanse of dark gravel full of pudles. It begins to rain and we shelter behind a coach. Lots of black people get out of the coach and one of them alarms the others by calling their attention to a policeman he's spotted on the other side of the road. They get back on the coach. I'm on my bike, then,and trying to find a house which is No.65 (Barry lives at No 65) on one of two parallel streets. I find myself back behind the coach at the side of the road with Jo and a policeman is about to search us. I have some dope in my left trouser pocket which I tried earlier to leave in a bin down the road, but I engage in affable conversation with the copper about computer tapes, and this puts him at ease. He doesn't search me. I begin to retrieve my shoes and clothes which have somehow become scattered along the ground.

9-10.6.82
The Frog, The Fly and The Newt.
I go into a garden shed (the one in my house in Bolton where we used to keep newts in an old fish tank) with a friend. We bring a frog and a newt into the garden. We try to make the newt eat the frog so it will be bigger but it won't. We put them back in the shed and the frog begins to eat a fly which is caught in a cobweb hanging from the angle of the roof. I shut the door, but as I do so the thought croses my mind that if the frog eats too many flies it will turn into a giant and will be too big to handle.

6-7.7.82
The Doctor's Receptionist.
I am (I think) watching a play being acted out in front of me by four males on a very linear wooden stage, like a trough. One of the actors is Phil (Gallagher) and the others I don't know. The plot is that two men (one of them is Phil) have to get past the receptionistto see the doctor who is on the left of the stage. They try various methods, getting more and more frantic and always failing, then they rush on with a letter bomb for the doctor. The receptionist flees and they dash in to see the doctor and deliver the letter bomb, which explodes as they put it on his desk. As it does so I wake up.
This dream is based on thelittle plays we used to have to write and act out in Russian for our Russian classes in Canon Slade.

15-16.7.82
Targets.
I'm playing football (two against two) in a largish Scout hut. The goals are two large bull's eye targets chalked on the walls in white and when the game begins I dribble past the opposition and score straight away. They give in and go and sit down so I'm left to score as many goals as I want, but as soon as I'm on my own I can't score - every single shot or header misses.
(Memories of the previous evening's football match where I played terrible in the warm-up but well in the actual match)

25-26.7.82
London.
A film commentary describes how London is so big that many people are unaware there is a Hexagon theatre there. I find myself sitting outside it (it's under a motorway bridge) with Joanna. She goes for a walk and meets an old cockney boyfriend. He asks how she's doing. When he last saw here she'd given up her job and her boyfriend. She tells him she's training to be a nurse and he says that's terrible. Then they walk back to whre I'm sitting and he sees me and works out that I'm her boyfriend. Heconcludes that this is terrible too.

2-3.8.82
Poverty.
I'm very poor but suddenly I get ten pounds so I decide to go shopping in Tesco's. I walk past a large glass cabinet full of candles, but the smallest ones (red and green) are too large and too expensive so I buy some crisps instead. They come in a cardboard box and cost 97 and a half pence. I don't complain atthe price, though I want to. I find out that they containmicrochipsso that when you bite them they play a small portion of a film soundtrack, but I can't get them in the right order. Some bloke leans out of a window and tells me how much he enjoyed his Yellow Submarine crisps last week. The assistant apologises for not giving me them in the right order but I take them home anyway and, having no ise for them, I pour them in a bowl with some catfood and feed them to the cat.

4-5.8.82
Clint Eastwood.
I'm the hero in a Clint Eastwood style movie which involves me being chased by murderous bandits through the ruins of an industrial city in the desert. This goes on for hours until I come across a train, lit up and standing still on a new railway line. I leap on and join in with the passengers who are eating the last part f a three course dinner.
I get off the train when it's carried me away and find myself in a bare-ish room being asked for a dance by a tall girl. I accept until her even taller boyfriend arrives when I step asidepolitely and begin to talk to some people I know who are there.

27-8.8.82
Paul's Dad.
I'm working on my Nietzsche play 'Ecce Homo' at Paul (Donlan)'s house. He goes to bed and I carry on working. His dad comes down in the morning and is annoyed to see that I'm still there and haven't gone to bed. He pisses me off wkth all his usual comments and I get so fed up I start kicking him but I've only got socks on and no matter how hard I kick I can't hurt him and he only laughs.
A typical 'impotence' dream.

27-8.8.82
Cambridge.
I go to a concert and sit in a posh box next to a girl who I find myself getting on very well with. We arrange to meet at the Cambridge V Chelsea match. I go off to Phil's, where I'm staying, and go out for some chips. Looking at my watch, I find that the match starts in five minutes so I hurry to the theatre (which looks like the Albert Hall) and up to the second tier. Through one of the doors I can hear someone doing a radio commentary of the match, so I go down a floor and discover they have taken out all the seats: I stand up to watch the match and can't see the girl. Suddenly it's a King Crimson concert. They play Lark's Tongues in Aspic, Part One and all the people begin to dance in a very ballet-like fashion.

20-21.8.82
The Recreation Ground.
Mark Beckett called for me to see if I was playing football (I was living in No. 120, Longsight, Harwood). I walked down the road with him but as we were getting near the rec. he started necking with some girl, then said that I should go ahead and play anyway and he would be the referee. I asked one of the blokes who was on the park if I could play. He laughed and said that I wouldn't stand much chance on my own. There seemed to be a ruls that you had to be in a team before you could play and he wouldn't accept the argument that teams could be formed through different combinations of individuals.

2-3.9.82
Tennis
I was playing tennis vs. Mark and a girl. I thought I'd lost 0-6 but Mark told me it was 1-5. I prepared to serve and psyche myself up for the situation. I was rudely awoken by Liz's elephantine stumblings at 8.30 so I'll never know who won.

4-5.9.82
The End of the World
Liz arrived home and started moaning about the note on her door. I got pissed off and yelled at her about 2" from her face then I stormed out. I went for a walk up a strange, cobbled street and had the feeling that everything was coming to an end. There was a red glow over the place. A Pakistani girl approached me and we had sex, in the normal position at first and then, before I came, I withdrew and finished it off from behind.

16-17.9.82
Vivienne
I'm with Vivienne. We've taken a walk to the back of a house and are lying down in a field looking into its expansive garden which includes an ornamental pond with a wooden bridge across it. She says she is thinking of leaving home and I encourage her to do so. All the time we talk we are stroking each other in a sexual way but nothing more develops. (This time occurs at the time when my thoughts are full of Jo and Kate, etc...)

25-26.9.82
Africa
I am planning to go away somewhere and we are all packing. I go into Jon's (Andy's mate's) room to get some books to read and Jo's mum shouts at me. I feel very put out. Jo comes to borrow some money off me and I reluctantly lend her ten pounds even though I have over a hundred. I set off for a walk (it is about 3.00 in the morning) from Reading to Cemetery Junction where I plan to walk dwon West Africa street. All the roads are dark but W. Africa street is even darker. I walk down it (it turns out to be a narrow ginnel) and turn back after a short while, hearing footsteps behind me. But I'm not afraid as I see the silhouette of a policeman and policewoman walking across the entrance of the street. I walk back home past a pillar box (which says something) and a garage where another policewoman is talking to a suspect.

26-27.9.82
1) West Ham
I'm going to see Chelsea. Someone (Pete's mate) suggests we go to get West Ham tickets. We do so, forgetting that I have a Chelsea shirt on. Someone shouts out "Afternoon, gents" and this signals the start of a running-the-gauntlet type escape down the street.
2) The Igloo
I go to meet a friend who lives in a two-storey igloo. He goes out but his neighbour comes in and asks to buy some acid. I know my friend has some (and the guy upstairs) but nothing else about it. "Still, it's gratifying to think that even out here in the igloos everyone's into acid" He agrees and rolls a joint.
(This dream must be due to Andy's plans to move to the Shetlands)

2-3.10.82
The Shetland Synthesiser
I visit Mark (Ellis) who is living in one corner of a large room in a house. He has developed a new synthesiser which he calls 'The Shetland'

5-6.10.82
Seduction
I am visiting a girl (Claire?) She suggests we go to the pub with the people next door, three girls and a bloke, as it turns out. One of the girls obviously fancies me and spends the rest of the dream seducing me as we walk back down the road to someone's house for coffee.

19-20.10.82
Driving
I borrow Pete (Greet)'s van for an evening though I can't drive. I bring it back and park it in Radstock Road though I later decide to move it into Manchester Road where I park it very badly. I have a lot of dope in the van. A police van pulls me over but thankfully it goes awaywithout them questioning me. I go into No. 46 leaving dope and stuff in the van and come bck out to find the police there again. I admit I haven't got a license and say I was jsut moving it down the road for a friend. 29-30.10.82 Three Girls
A long complicated dream with a farcical sort of plot about which I can only remember this much: there are two hosues, adjoined. I am in a room in one of them with other people who keep moving about from one house to the next. There are three girls among these people all of whom want to sleep with me. A sort of game develops. Though they all appear to be uninterested and continue getting up and walking out from time to time, we all realise that only one can sleep with me and only when the other two are not present. No sex occurs before I wake up, unfortunately.
This dream may seem to me more confusing than it really is.

23-24.11.82
Munich
I am about to set off for Munich with Pete Greet and Sam. I am asked to take a bag of dope and a small packet of diamonds with me, but I am extremely apprehensive about this. Also, there is nowhere for me to leave my bike (we're cycling the first part of the way, apparently). All sorts of confusion as I try to think what to tkae with me.

28-29.11.82
Sleeping Bags
I leave a house in which an orgy is going on on a motorbike on a sunny afternoon. I go to a farm and talk in Somerset vernacular to a farmer, asking him the way to Longsight. On my way through the old barn I stumble across piles of spleeping bags being sorted out. Brown are 4cc and blue are 2cc (whatever that means). I am talked into buying one and I leave with it, returning to the orgy (or perhaps going to a different one).