1983
2-3.1.83
The Stream and the Train
I am in Poland, walking by the side of a river with Erica, at night. We go down frosty, cobbled streets until we reach the banks, then I ask her which way to go. She says 'turn right' and we do, then sit down on a narrow part of the bank. It grows dark quickly and the stream starts to ice over. I excuse myself in order to go for a slash and wonder where to go. I walk down to the station where a train is standing at the platform and nip into it to use the toilet (in First Class). I hope it doesn't leave before I've done. When I have, I leap off the train at the end of the platform and realise that I have to have a ticket in order to get out. I can see the guard's flag in his hand, where he's hiding in a passenger shelter waiting for me. I sprint past him, shouting 'Bastard' as I do so, but something makes me turn around. I see that he's a strong, swarthy, round-faced man with a bristly beard and realise that he is the devil.
3-4.1.83
The Town Hall
I am the head of a delegation from a housing estate campaigning for fair rents. We march to the town hall, which is occupied by the Pope, and prepare to batter down the doors. As we get ready we are stopped by a gang of black men who, it turns out, are there on a similar mission. Together we break down the doors and find ourselves in the town hall, but there is nobody around. Just long stretches of white, tiled corridors with polished, brown floors.
18-19.1.83
The Valley
I am walking through a halcyon valley with my brother on a bright day. We decide to return home through the park. A rocky crag bars our way. I attempt to climb it but Keith finds a path and we go up that way isntead.
19-20.1.83
Leisa
I am in London with Leisa in a flat and she's being suggestive in subtle ways. We go out into the streets and I lose sight of her. I see her go into a tube station (though it is night, the lights give off a bright kind of daylight). I get on the tube and realise that she did not, so I get off 2 stops down the line and she's there again. We go to another flat and Martin, who is obviously her boyfriend, is there. Some head games are played. Leisa spends most of her time alone with me in a room but there are no further developments to speak of.
6-7.2.83
House Hunting
I'm looking for a hosue with Anne Parmeter in a small town south of Reading. The estate agent lets us try one out by having a party there and the party turns out very well. Then we walk under a flyover to another, better house. But the people there say they have the house till November and they're not moving. It is full of video equipment (they pronounce it 'wideo') and this represents their only asset. They set the cat on me so I'll go but I manage to kick it away from me before I get out of the door. On the landing I sit and contemplate my next strategy.
11-12.2.83
Casper Gaspard
A very bizarre dream. I've run away from home and hitch a lift. The driver looks like a policeman and asks me for my name and for a receipt. I refuse to sign the blank piece of paper, though I think of putting the name Casper Gaspard. He tells me he IS a policeman and then talks about the killing of a Nazi murderer in an insane asylum, admitting that he was the killer as he puts his arm around me. I quickly take a book from the dashboard to read. It shows 'stills from Steven Spielberg films' though thyey look more like abstratc paintings.
2-3.3.83
Africa
I'm on my way to Poland on a train that has no track. I realise I haven't got a visa so I get off. Someone tells me we are in Africa, which is borne out by the fact we can see a herd of elephants in a field. I stay in a bourgaouis-looking house for a few hours getting impatient, then go down to the sea and try to work out which way England is so I can get back in time for Chelsea's match at Charlton. Eventually, depsite the reluctance of others, I find myself near London in a house with James Newcombe. I am pinning badges to the pyjama top I'm wearing when he comes galloping downstairs. I ask if he's coming to the match. He says no and takes the pillow back upstairs with him.
27-28.3.83
The Sharp-toothed Girl
I'm at an orgy with Frank Trundle. He starts screwing a girl. There's only one other girl in the room. I take hold of her. She's surprised that I want to have sex with her in the same room as the others. It's all the same to me and I don't really want to sleep with her anyway. When we kiss, her teeth turn out to be very sharp and her tongue tastes bitter. Her body is all together too 'taut'.
8-9.4.83
Theale Versus Chelsea
I go to watch Chelsea in the FA Cup at Theale. I arrive in Newbury to find that the tain doesn't get to Theale until 3.20. I met the guy from Oldham who didn't know the match was on.
16-17.4.83
Promiscuity
Leisa and I had been talking about sex. She said she hadn't known many men and people weren't so promiscuous these days. I said that James had one woman every 15 minutes. She said she wished she were more promiscuous and would I help to put things right. James woke me up as we were about to walk away together. (The night before I'd listened to 'Dear Mr Palestrino' until 4.00 a.m. and had been thinking a lot about sex)
17-18.4.83
The Junction
I go for a walk down London Rd (Reading) to the junction and become aware that everything is grey and some of the buildings have disappeared. London Rd looks bleak and deserted but I can hear people laughing so I turn round to go back home. I realise there aren't even any traffic lights so I take off my glasses and the colour returns to things (especially the traffic lights). Then I meet Mike Day who shows me a drawing he has done in pencil:
Lots of paisley motifs Lots of paisley motifs
An owl A swing with lots of paisley motifs A cat
21-22.4.83
Death
Joanna is curled up in a bed in a room, crying and very upset. This upsets me too and I kneel down by the bed. I am urged, meanwhile, to follow a shifty-looking plain-clothes policeman into the next room, wheich is an empty theatre where he is trying to shoot a criminal. One minute I'm with the criminal, the next with a policeman. One minute I'm being assailed by a sword, the next by a gun. I know my life is in danger.
A disturbing dream, not least in view of the discussion I'd had with Sarah about Joanna (I was in Sarah's bed when I dreamed it).
7-9.3.83
Fevered Dreams
1) I arrive in Manchester 20 years in the future to find a futuristic concrete skyscape nicely decked out with trees and greenery. I decide to visit Old Trafford but get off at the wrong stop on the 'skyrail'. When I eventually get there I have a huge argument with a ticket-collector about my fare, just like on ordinary British Rail.
2) Rachel calls for me but she's cut off most of her hair and looks extremely plain. I think she wants a game of tennis or something but I can't get over what she looks like. (I went to see the real Rachel 2 days later and she was her real, ravishing self, thank goodness)
21-22.5.83
Me and Richard in London
Richard and I walk down into London from Andy's (in Finchley) along a canal. Eventually, after stopping under bridges for joints en route, we go into a café where we order some tea. 2 girls start trying to attract us. One lays her haad on my shoulder. In the end we decide they're too stupid to bother with. Next thing I know I'm outside a room. Phil Gallagher is inside and Tracy is with me and we are talking.
23-4.5.83
Pictures
I move into a house in London which has very large rooms. I move some paintings into my room before anything else but they keep slipping off their hooks. This worries me and I tell Andy. Outside, meanwhile, a girl rides a horse round the corner into the street and is confronted by 2 highwaymen.
2-3.6.83
In Prison
I was in prison, sitting in front of a row of cells, drinking a large glass of lemonade. On my right are steep amphiotheatrical steps leading down to the prison bar (!) and in front of me glass doors, and all sorts of weirdoes in the cells. I walk out through the doors with 2 other people.
8-9.6.83
I am walking by the side of the canal with James Newcombe. It's dark and he's got no clothes on. We approach King's Bridge. 3 rastas stop and shout something. I'm not sure if they're friendly or hostile, but they move along anyway. When we're on the road there is heavy traffic and I'm escorting a friend who is drunk. He falls down between the bus and traffic lanes and a bus nearly runs him over as he lies there. Everything is dark, noisy and confused.
22-23.6.83
The Van
I am walking over a road roundabout to a garage where Jack is working. Someone else calls to him 'Gallagher!.... Martin!' then someone else shouts it so I follow suit. When I get there I climb in the back of a van that's parked among others. There's a policeman inside and I have some dope in my pocket but I chat away afably for a few minutes then casually get out and make my way home.
25-26.6.83
The Hooligan
I'm standing on some erracing in a small niche among a large crowd. People keep trying to squeeze in next to me but then they stop and I see some heavies coming, so I move. One of the Heavies is a British Movement goon and he starts calling the police 'useless bastards' then he goes away. He comes back straight away and starts crying. The police take him away.
27-28.6.83
Another Bust
Mark Ellis is smoking a joint in a room full of people. I know ther's a copper outside and I go over to tell him, but he comes to sit by me and Pete Winterbotham and passes me the joint. The copper comes in and arrests us. We go down to the station, all totally unruffled, taking it in our stride. Next thing, I'm at a football match, Bolton Wanderers v Bury, where there's a large crowd. I remark upon this fact to a neighbour.
4-5.7.83
Vivid Dream
Can't remember much, but it woke me up feeling scared. It was a sort of double-dream in which the first half prophesied what would happen in the second. It involved a car and people and for some reason the fulfilling of the prophecy was horrific. This nightmare occurred on my first night in Oxford.
10-11.7.83
Stockhausen's son
I am in Newquay, trying to get out to the place where Kevin Bates lives (as if). I stop a taxi. The driver is weird. We go to his house. I take ages getting my gear together before setting off again (I have a guitar, violin, music, books, etc) I find myself walking along the seafront. I stop and go into a house with an open front. Kev is there. He tells me Stockhausen is due later on and that his son will give a recital. I say I would love to stick around but have to go. Stockhausen's son is sleeping as I leave, in perparation for the performance. In the house where I'm staying there are loads of girls I've had sexual flirtations with in the past.
17-18.7.83
Donlan's New Car
After travelling through some bizarre railway/underground stations, Donlan, who is wanted by the police, decides to buy a car. As we are riding along in it I skin up a joint then accidentally pull the back door off. (Donlan is in the back too. My mum is in the front. I don't know who's driving). I find this all very funny. (Some of the scenes in the dream are reminiscent of the 3rd Man which I saw recently. I also had a letter from Donlan)
12-12.8.83
An Argument
I have a huge argument with my mother. She objects to a new 'pro-drugs, pro-Bohemia' record that I've bought, with a black and white cover (like 'Residue') She puts the arm of the record-player on it with no needle so it scratches. I go berserk. She leaves the room. I shout after her repeatedly 'All this needn't have happened!' She reappears with a pari of scissors.
July 1983, Vienna
Two Dreams in One Night
1) A soldier with his pet dog is being bullied by 2 other soldiers who eventually kill the dog. They leave the soldier in a room with 2 puppies, which they shoot from behyind the door. He shouts 'Have you no respect for life?' He is in tears. The other return and beat him up.
2) Soldiers are standing guard in front of a shop. An advert in the window annoys them so they smash the window with the butts of their rifles. The sergeant arrives and admonishes them: 'No! We must present a respectable image to the public!'
11-12.8.83
Cruelty Games with Vienna
I've just opened a shop in Oxford. A lot of people turn up for an opening party. One bloke tries to walk off with an expensive set of plates. I tell him I can't allow this. If I give them away I might as well give everything away, and then the whole idea wouldn't work. He still wants to take it. I say I'll phone the police (on a push button phone. I don't know the number. A girl tells me it) He goes off on his motorcycle. We sit in an uneasy silence expecting him to return. He does so eventually with a girl namd Vienna, with whom I am to play some 'Cruelty Games'. I say I don't want to but they ask me to come for a walk. To show that I'm not afraid (though I AM afraid) I accept. As we walk through the sunny streets I just catch sight of a horse (the bare muscle and flesh) climbing back into its skin which is standing upright, still harnessed to a carriage. The bloke talks about how animals can be tortured by having their livers pulled out.. 'and humans too...' (The dark-haired Vienna says nothing, but smiles)
'But not' I reply 'in a country lane in Oxford' – 'Oh no?' he says and they both grab hold of me. I am petrified, but struggle free, run as fast as possible down the sunny gravel of the lane lined with idyllic hedgerows, scared to death, I keep on running and running till I wake up.
19-20.9.83
Man Utd v Chelsea.
I go to see Man U v Cheslea. There's lots of fighting, even between supporters of the same team. I go down underground to the ticket office. I am the only customer. I recognise the ticket seller who is firstly Frank Trundle, then Steven Crompton, then John and Janette. Waiting for the match to kick off I get very nervous. The seat prices are much lower than I expect. I didn't know Chelsea were playi ng till a few hours before.
5-6.11.83
Tramps
I am walking through a city (Edinburgh?) with 1 or 2 other people, at one point bumping into the football commentator Brian Moore and discussing football with him. I go into a public toilet with a cup of hot chocolate, set it down and wash my face. Thwere are 4 tramps talking and one asks me the time. I tell him. 'Let me see it with my own starry eyes' he says. I take a few seconds to realise that he wants to see the watch face. I show it to him, thinking he may want to steal the watch, then I go outside, forgetting the hot chocolate and leaving it un-drunk.